Lies, Deceptions and Broken Hearts
by nherbie
Summary: Season 8 speculations. Deeks and Kensi are involved in a helicopter crash and she's injured badly. Can the two of them weather this change in their lives? Read and find out! UPDATE: Well, they moved up the premiere by a week so I missed the boat and I'm sure I won't be even remotely close but this has been fun so far!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Deeks came to, confused and disoriented. He remembered getting on the naval helicopter in Syria, remembered laughing with Kensi about something, both relieved that their mission was over and they were heading home, right before the pilot yelled that someone had a lock on them. It was only moments later that they felt the jolt, saw the flames and the copter started to break apart around them. He'd tried to hold onto her hand but she'd been ripped away from him. Kensi! Where was she? He struggled upright, groaning at the pain in his head and side. He pulled himself up and out of the wreckage, yelling her name but getting no response. He stumbled around, finding the body of the pilot and copilot. The front of the bird had taken the worst of the damage and he felt grief that the two kind young men had met an awful ending. His need to find Kensi increased but he fell when he got so dizzy that he couldn't take another step. Lying on the ground, looking up at the sky, he begged, he bargained and he prayed.

When the dizziness abated a little, he rolled over and began to crawl, desperately trying to find the woman he loved beyond life. He couldn't believe it when he saw her foot sticking out from under a jagged remnant of the copter. He forced himself upright, made his way to her, pulled the piece off and flung it to the side. Later he would be told that piece had weighed over two hundred pounds but he'd moved it like it weighed nothing. He fell to his knees beside her, pushing the hair off her face. He was so afraid to feel for a pulse. So afraid he was going to spend the rest of his life alone, regretting that they hadn't acted sooner, that they had missed out on so much, convinced that they had all the time in the world. When he finally gathered his courage, he started to cry when he felt the fairly strong pulse under his finger.

"Kensi? Baby? I'm here and you're going to be just fine! I'm sure Callen and Sam are already on their way with help! You know the Wonder Twins will lead them to us, we'll be good and this will be quite the story to tell our kids and grandkids. God baby, wake up! I need to see those beautiful eyes so badly right now. I need you to punch me and tell me not to talk about tiny ninja assassins unless I really mean it. I love you more than anything in this world, more than I've ever loved anyone else, more than I ever thought I was capable of! You make me a better man, a better cop, a better person." He leaned down and kissed her lips gently, instantly missing her normal immediate response. His heart beat frantically in his chest. "Kensi, I meant to do this in a more romantic setting, also kinda counted on you being conscious, but I need you to know that I want to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, have a family with you! I've already bought the ring. It's in a safe deposit box at the bank. As soon as we get back, I'm going to ask you again and pray that you say yes! You've already made me the happiest man on the face of the planet and marrying you will be the best day of my life."

He reached down and kissed her again, running a trembling hand over her hair, murmuring softly to her, most of it incoherent as he started to feel the effects of his concussion. He was so focused on her he never heard the helicopter when it approached, didn't hear it land just outside the debris field of the crash. He only realized help had arrived when Callen and Sam started yelling his and Kensi's names. He stood up quickly and yelled. "Over here!" He watched his teammate's race to them and it was the last thing he remembered until he woke up in the hospital in Damascus. He'd asked for Kensi immediately and they would tell him nothing. They'd had to sedate him when he started to struggle to get out of the hospital bed, frantic to find her. Sam showed up and pushed him back down, telling him everything was going to be okay. The next time he woke up, they were back in the states and at Pacific Beach Medical.

~,~,~,~

Kensi woke up and stared at the ceiling. Every time she woke, she prayed that everything was just a bad dream. Every time she woke, she realized it wasn't. The voice of her doctor sounded in her head once again. Never walk again, never walk again, never walk again. A tear escaped and was quickly wiped away by a gentle hand. "Kens? Baby? It's okay, I'm here." She closed her eyes, tempted to lean into his hand. He'd been at her side from the moment she'd woken up. Hell, he was in the same helicopter crash but he'd walked away with just some scrapes, a concussion and fractured ribs while she had swelling on her spine that had caused paralysis from the waist down. Her doctor had said it might be temporary but they wouldn't know until the swelling went down and that could take days or weeks. The MRI had been inconclusive and they had begun her on a steroid regimen.

She couldn't sentence Deeks to the probability that she would never walk again, no longer be an agent. She knew he would never leave her but the idea of his being her nursemaid, helping her use the bathroom, helping her bathe, made her sick to her stomach. She'd always been strong and independent but now she was going to have to depend on others. She'd made up her mind during the night, when she'd woken to find him holding her hand just like he was now, his head on the bed and sound asleep. She was going to have to say things to him that she didn't mean, things that would break his heart, but he'd get over it and he would move on with his life. Find someone else, fall in love again, start a family, just not with her. She swallowed her tears and began.

She wrenched her hand out of his and opened her eyes to glare at him. God, his eyes were so beautiful and so full of love and concern. She could do this, she could. Before she could start he spoke. "Kensi, I thought I'd lost you, hell I almost did. My life would have been over. I wanted to do this in a better setting, on the beach with the sun painting the sky red and orange over our heads, but at least this time you're conscious! Kensi Marie Blye, will you marry me?" He pulled out the ring box he'd asked Nell to get from the bank. He popped it open and she looked at the ring that last week would have made her the happiest of women. It was perfect for her and proved just how well he knew her. She looked back up at him and steeled her features to an expression of indifference.

"No."

"I'm sorry? What?"

"No. I won't marry you."

"Baby, if you're saying no because of your uncertain future, you don't have to. I'll always be here, no matter what!"

"You are always so conceited! Believe it or not, not everything is about you. I simply don't want to marry you."

"But why?"

She drew in a deep breath and said the words that would cut him to the quick. "Because I don't love you! I haven't for a long time but just haven't been able to find the words to tell you. I don't want to marry you, I don't even want to live with you anymore!"

He looked at her as if he couldn't comprehend the words she'd just said. In fact, he couldn't understand them. The buzzing in his head and the constriction of his heart made everything seem all jumbled up. Then he replayed what she said and gasped out. "You don't mean that! It's the trauma speaking."

"I do mean it Deeks, I just wish I'd had the courage to say it sooner. I'm sorry but the answer was, and still is, no. Why don't you just go home now?"

He stood and turned his back to her, not wanting her to see the tears in his eyes as he snapped the lid on the ring box closed and shoved it into his pocket. He couldn't understand why she was saying these things. She'd told him plenty of times that she loved him, as recent as when they'd been on that damn copter. Their sex life hadn't diminished any. Could she be that good of an actress? He wondered once again if she was trying to push him away. To save him from having to spend the rest of his life with someone destined to spend the rest of hers in a wheelchair. He turned back. "Kensi, even if it's true that you don't love me anymore, you're still my partner and I'm not leaving here until you do!"

Damn him! He was going to make her hurt him more. She should have known he wouldn't leave her even if she convinced him she no longer loved him. He was one of the most loyal people she had ever met. She pulled out the big guns. "Yeah, about that. Even if I am able to walk again, I don't want you as my partner. Not anymore."

Again he was stunned into a one word question. "Why?"

"Damn it Deeks! If you'd been a real agent, a real _trained_ agent instead of some half assed cop, maybe I wouldn't be here right now!"

"Are you kidding me right now? How the hell would your partner being a trained federal agent have prevented our helicopter from being blown out of the sky by insurgents? Tell me that?"

"Because if my partner had been a real agent, I probably wouldn't have been on that helicopter! I would have been back at the base with Sam and Callen, doing what _I_ was trained to do instead of babysitting the stupid cop!" She watched as every ounce of blood drained out of his face, leaving him white and shaking. She wished she could take the words back but this was what needed to be done. He was too loyal a man to walk away if he thought she had even a momentary need for him by her side.

A numbness started at his feet and worked its way up his body to his head. He couldn't feel his extremities any more. She meant it. She meant all of it! He nodded once and turned away, stumbling out the door. He never noticed the little nurse who stood by the door, bandages in her hands, her mouth open as she watched the man walk away. She'd heard everything and her heart broke for him. Marty Deeks was a nice guy and so head over heels in love with her patient, it had captured her imagination. He's been so kind and polite to all the nursing staff. She couldn't believe the woman had been so cruel to him. She shook her head and entered the room as she'd originally intended when she'd overheard his proposal. It had been so romantic and she'd paused, not wanting to interrupt them and wanting to hear the answer. What followed had shocked her. She planned on giving the female federal agent the cold shoulder. She was stunned to find her sobbing into her pillow as if her heart was broken.

~,~,~,~

Deeks had no memory of leaving the hospital or driving to the U-Haul place. He stood in front of the shelves of moving boxes and knew what he'd decided without really thinking about it. He couldn't stay here where everything would remind him of her. He took piles of boxes off the shelves and brought them to the counter. While he was there he reserved a truck for tomorrow. He threw the boxes into the back of his truck and headed to a storage company where he paid rent for two units for one year. From there he finally headed…to his house. It no longer represented home to him. He hauled the boxes into the house, realizing he should probably have picked up Monty but then thought better of it. He was fine where he was and wouldn't be underfoot as he packed up the house.

He started methodically packing each room, carefully marking which box was his and which was Kensi's. He worked through the night, eventually falling into bed around 4 AM. He was up at 8 and walking down the street to the neighbor who had been watching his dog. He knocked and the door was quickly opened by Justin, his neighbor's high school age son. The boy walked Monty during the week for a reasonable sum, trying to earn enough money to buy a car before his senior year started in September. He also took Monty in when Deeks and Kensi had to be away. For a split second, he considered telling Justin he could have the dog, knowing how attached to him he'd become. He couldn't go through with it though. Monty was the only thing he had left.

"Hey Marty! Welcome home!"

"Hi Justin."

"You here for Monty?"

"Actually, could you keep him for a little while longer?"

"Sure. You know I love that dog, it's no bother to keep him for as long as you want me to."

"Thanks. Listen, do you have a friend who'd like to make a hundred bucks? A hundred for you too."

"Yeah! My buddy Derek could use the money. What do you need us to do?"

"Load and unload a moving truck."

"What? Yours? You're moving?"

"Yeah, I am. It's work related. Actually we're putting most of our stuff into storage until this assignment is over. It could take over a year and makes no sense paying rent for that amount of time for an empty place."

"So Kensi is going with you?"

He couldn't answer for a moment as his emotions rose up, fighting the numbness he still felt. He pushed it down, letting the frozen feeling take over once again. "Yeah, of course." He lied through this teeth.

"Damn, man! We'll miss you around here. Plus, I'll miss Monty."

"I know Justin. You and your folks have been great neighbors. But duty calls and I need to be away."

"You taking Monty?" The boys tone was hopeful.

"Yeah, sorry, we're able to take him with us."

"Oh. Okay. Let me give Derek a call. When do you want us?"

"Today. I need to go pick up the truck."

Justin pulled out his cell and confirmed that Derek was free and thrilled to be making some extra cash. They agreed to meet at Deeks's in an hour. The two shook hands and Deeks headed back to his truck. He drove to the U-Haul store and picked up the truck, leaving his in the parking lot. He drove home and knew nothing would ever be the same for him. He parked the truck outside the house and pushed up the back door. Justin and Derek showed up not long after. Between the three of them they made short work of filling up the truck and cleaning out the house. Unloading at the storage company took a little longer as they had to make sure they put the right boxes in the right unit. Kensi's was bigger and he put the bedroom set, dining room set and living room furniture they'd picked out together in hers. He wanted no part of them now. His surfboard, wetsuit and the duffel bag he'd packed for himself, Monty's food, bed and toys, plus the suitcase he'd packed for Kensi, stayed in the back. When they were done, he drove the boys home, picked up Monty and dropped off the truck, putting their stuff in the locked bed and settling the old dog in the seat beside him. He was surprised to find it was only two in the afternoon. He felt like he'd lived a lifetime in the last two days.

Picking up his cell phone, he called his mother. "Hi Mama." He said as soon as she picked up.

"Martin? Is everything okay? Is it Kensi?" Damn, she could always tell when something was wrong.

"No. No, everything is not okay but Kensi is not any worse. Listen, I'm going away for a while and I may not be in touch very often."

"Going away? You can't do that now! You need to be here for Kensi, she needs you!"

Deeks snorted out a laugh that held no humor. "No Mama, she doesn't."

"Honey? What's going on?"

"Let's just say she told me exactly what she thought of me and the fact that she doesn't need or want me in her life anymore."

"Did you ever think she's just pushing you away because she thinks she'd be a burden to you now?"

"That was my first thought and I told her so. Her response was that I was conceited and made everything about me. Mama, she told me she doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for a long time. I need to get away, I can't be here! I'll just end up back at the hospital and…I don't think I can take another rejection like that."

"Oh Martin, I'm so sorry baby!"

"Yeah, me too. I gotta go. I love you and I'll be in touch soon, okay?"

"Promise me you'll be careful? Where are you going? Do you want to come here?"

"No, Mama, I need to be alone and I'm not exactly sure where I'm going."

"I love you Martin."

"I love you too. Bye."

He hung up and made one more call. Kip answered on the second ring. "Hey Marty-Mar! What's shakin'?"

"Hey Kip, are you home or out of town?"

"Out of town, why?"

"Damn. I was hoping to borrow your old pickup. You know, the one you had bought when you signed your rookie deal. I need to get out of town for a while and I don't want anyone to be able to track me."

"Seriously dude? Marty, what's going on? Something happen with you and Kensi? Is it work related? Someone after you? You know you can hang out at my place anytime!"

"Thanks Kip, I appreciate it. I just…I just need to get away from L.A. for a bit. Don't worry, no one is trying to kill me."

"So it is Kensi! What happened man? You two seemed so good together."

"I thought so too. Apparently I was the only one in that relationship that did."

"Oh dude, I'm so sorry! Listen, feel free to take the truck. You have a key to my place, just let yourself in. The keys to the pickup are hanging on a rack just inside the kitchen. It's on that cheesy #1 keychain you gave me when I bought it. The truck is in the garage. Just leave yours in its place and it'll be safe."

"Thanks Kip! I mean it, you're a good friend."

"Listen, Marty. Are you sure you don't want to stay with me for a while? I can get on a plane and be there in just a few hours."

"No, there's no need for you to do that. I have a good idea of where I'm going but I'm not going to tell you. Be aware that federal agents from NCIS might show up on your doorstep looking for me. If they try to tell you I'm wanted for questioning in some case or another just tell them you talked to me but have no idea where I was going or why I was leaving. Don't let on that I have your truck. Don't let them into the garage without a warrant." He sighed. "I'm not even sure this is needed. They'll probably be glad to see the back of me."

"I'm sure that's not true! You've been with them for years, you're part of their team, their work family."

"I thought so but now I'm not so sure. Hell, I'm not sure of anything anymore except I need to get out of here."

"You be careful, you hear me? I don't want to find out you got yourself killed doing something stupid!"

"You sound like mama."

"I always did like that woman!"

"I know man. Thanks again. I'll try to be in touch when I can."

"You'd better!"

"Bye Kip." Deeks hung up.

Kip stared at the phone. He didn't like the sound of his old friend's voice and decided to cut short his holiday no matter what he said. He'd always been there for him, it was his turn to be there for Marty. Even if he was already gone when he got home, he'd be where Marty could find him if he needed him.

Once he'd hung up, Deeks turned off his cell phone and took the battery out. Wouldn't do to leave Nell and Eric a way to track him so easily, if they did at all. He knew they might have Kaleidoscope looking for him, if they bothered, but was hoping that switching vehicles would throw them off the track. He'd also gone over his truck and disabled the GPS in it, looking for other tracking devices but finding none. It should be hard to trace sitting in Kip's huge garage.

He had a couple more errands to run and then he'd be gone. First thing he did was drop off the key to the house at the realtor, giving his notice to her. He was a tenant at will so only needed to give a month's notice. He wrote a check out for next month and shook her hand. She was sorry to see him go. He and his girlfriend had been great tenants. From there he did the next to hardest. He stopped in at his precinct to meet with Lt. Bates. Bates looked up to find his best, and most troublesome, detective enter his office.

"What's up Deeks?"

"Lt., I'm here to give my notice."

Bates sighed and said. "Well, I've been expecting it. Surprised it took you this long to make the jump to federal agent. It's gonna be weird to address you as Agent Deeks."

"I'm not becoming a federal agent."

"You…what? What the hell then?"

"I'm just done with being a cop. It's time to move onto something else."

"What about Kensi? She okay with this?"

"She's fine with it." He replied shortly. He placed his badge, gun, letter of resignation and the NCIS laptop on the Lt.'s desk. "This laptop is encrypted and should be passed on to the next Liaison."

"Have you given your notice at NCIS?"

"Don't have to. By giving my notice here, I can no longer be the Liaison anymore anyway."

"Kid, what's really going on?"

"I'm just done Bates." He held out his hand and the Lt. reluctantly took it. He knew there was something more going on with Deeks but he also knew the man was the most stubborn person he'd ever met and there was a good chance he'd never know the rest of the story. Deeks walked out and Bates stared at the items on his desk. Finally making up his mind, he reached out to his phone and dialed a number he'd hoped never to have to again.

"Lange."

"Miss. Lange, it's Roger Bates, LAPD."

"Yes Lt. What can I do for you? Mr. Deeks is not here."

"I know. He just left here. He also left his badge and gun, along with a letter of resignation."

Hetty felt her hopes rise and she smiled. Finally! Her Mr. Deeks was going to accept the agent position she'd offered him years ago. "I'm sorry Lt., but he'll make an excellent agent."

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't get your hopes up. He told me he wasn't becoming an agent and he left the NCIS laptop in my care for the next Liaison."

"He...what? Why would he do that?"

"Damned if I know. He resigned and said he was done being a cop."

"Bugger!"

~,~,~,~

Deeks pulled up to his last stop and looked up at the beautiful house where Kensi's mom lived. He'd been dreading this most of all. He got out of the truck and fingered the envelope in his hand. It held the key and the receipt to the storage unit. He opened the back of the truck and pulled out the suitcase he'd packed for Kensi. He slowly walked up to the front door, fighting his inclination to turn and run. He paused at the front door and couldn't seem to make himself knock. That decision was removed from his control when the door opened. "Marty? What are you doing here? Do you want to come in?"

Deeks shook his head no. "Mrs. Feldman, I just wanted to drop these off with you." He handed her the suitcase and the envelope addressed to Kensi.

She looked at him in surprise and asked. "Mrs. Feldman? What happened to Julia? What's in here?"

"Key and receipt to a storage unit on Culver. Rent has been paid for the next year."

"What? Why would Kensi need that?"

"I put all her stuff into storage."

"I don't understand. Why would you do that?"

"I'm leaving town and I've given up the house."

Julia looked at the envelope in her hand and then at the man standing on her doorstep. When she finally put two and two together and realized that he was abandoning her baby girl when she needed him most, her hand swung out of its own volition, striking him across the face. "You're a coward!"

Deeks nodded and turned away, hearing the door slam behind him.

~,~,~,~

A/n – this story came to me when I heard ECO and DR at both comic cons (London and San Diego), talking about the proposal but wouldn't answer anything about an engagement. The two bantered about how good DR was in that scene but with a weird vibe. Made me think she wasn't conscious. ECO later prodded DR into saying how good he was, the two even mentioning that a crew member told them he'd been doing this for years and it was the first time he'd ever cried. Instagram showed pictures of a broken up helicopter, a bloodied Deeks and one showing him standing in a hospital hallway. Someone mentioned that they'd seen a wheelchair and with DR out on maternity, it made sense that she was badly hurt, as sitting in the wheelchair would hide her very advanced pregnancy. I'm sure the ideas going through my head are way off base but it wouldn't leave me alone. Originally I thought this would be a one shot, but it got out of my control. See Cotillion! Not that I ever intend to write anything that long again. I'm thinking two, maybe three chapters at most. Feel free to review if you get the chance!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N – thanks to honus47 as always, for everything, including the title of this story!

A/N2 – I got a couple reviews from guests that I can't reply to directly so…

Ryan C – I had her be harsh because I see Deeks as being incredibly loyal – see Ray in Plan B, Bates in The Debt where he never really believed that he was the mole despite all the evidence and in Blye, K where he refused to believe she could be guilty. Only the unforgiveable would drive him away.

"Me" and other guests who didn't provide a name – thank you!

Astrida and others – LOL on the guesses on how many chapters! So far I've gotten 3 with an epilogue, 10 and 35!

A/N3 – sorry for the explosion of author's note but this is the last one, promise! I haven't had any reviews commenting on this but wanted to assure everyone that I know someone in a wheelchair can have a full productive life and be just as capable of being independent as anyone else! Kensi is reacting this way as it's all so new and unfamiliar to her. She obviously is, and has been, an extremely active person and a future where she might not be able to do all the things she used to, would be overwhelming and scary until she gets her bearings.

~,~,~,~

Chapter 2

Deeks had learned a lot over the years of working at OSP. He was putting one of those skills to work right now. He was heading to Kip's by way of roads he knew didn't have traffic cams that Nell and Eric could use to trace him. He was sure that all of the houses surrounding Kip's had surveillance cameras but they'd be closed circuit and they'd have to know where he was before trying to get access to them. If they bothered to put in the effort, they'd probably track his last calls and see the one to his mother and the one to Kip. He hadn't told either one where he was going and knew he could trust Kip to be stubborn. That he wouldn't give away that he had switched vehicles. By the time they finally figured it out, and he had no delusions that they wouldn't, he'd be long gone. He needed a burner phone too but would wait until he hit Mexico to buy it. It would be even less traceable that way.

He finally pulled into the driveway of Kip's house and let himself in, keying in the alarm code. He paused, looking around his friend's beautiful home and momentarily reconsidered taking Kip's offer to stay there. He brushed that thought away. He'd be trapped inside and he wouldn't do well with that. He found the key rack and the keys were right where Kip had said they'd be. He moved through the house and unlocked the door to the garage. He walked over to the older pickup that Kip couldn't bring himself to get rid of. It was the first new car he'd ever owned and he'd paid cash, using his signing bonus. His tastes in cars had changed over the years as he made more and more money, but this one had sentimental value.

He got in and it started right up. While it wasn't used every day anymore, he'd known it would be in perfect condition. The tinted windows were another reason he'd been interested in borrowing this particular truck, along with the extended cab so Monty could stretch out in the back. Hell, he might have to do the same some nights. He pulled it out and then backed his truck in. He transferred his stuff to the back, got Monty situated again and closed the garage door. Making his way back through the house, he made sure he'd locked and alarmed everything. The last thing he wanted to do, was to repay his friend's generosity by letting his house get robbed. He got in the truck and sat for a minute, realizing that today was the end of his career in law enforcement and he was on his own again. The numbness he'd used as a shield since yesterday suddenly fell away as he leaned his head back against the seat. He closed his eyes and let the tears come. His dreams of the happy future he'd finally dared to allow himself, had been shattered. Monty whined and reached out a paw between the front seats, putting it on his arm. He patted it but didn't say a word. Pulling away from Kip's house, Marty Deeks disappeared until such time as he felt he was ready to face the world again.

~,~,~,~

Sam and Callen entered Kensi's hospital room and were surprised to see Deeks wasn't there. Every time one of them had come to visit, he'd been glued to her side. Sam asked. "Where's Deeks?"

Kensi looked up from the book she had been trying, but not succeeding, in reading and decided she didn't want them to know what she'd done just yet. "I sent him home to shower, get some decent food in him and take a nap in a real bed. He doesn't need to be here every minute of every day."

"I'm surprised you managed to talk him into it!"

"It wasn't easy, believe me." Kensi knew she was talking about something completely different and fought the urge to cry and tell them everything. She knew they'd be disappointed in her.

Sam sat on the side of the bed and brushed her hair back off her forehead. "We thought we'd lost both of you when we heard the chopper'd gone down. I don't know how Deeks managed to move that piece off you in the condition he was in, but he did! He'll never let anything come between the two of you."

Kensi thought to herself, 'Nothing but me.' She didn't respond, not trusting her voice, just nodded and gave Sam the best smile she could muster up. When she thought she could speak and sound somewhat normal, she asked. "How're things at the Mission?"

Callen spoke for the first time. "Quiet. And I find I don't really like it, it's eerie."

Sam chuckled. "Yeah, I thought it would be nice to have a Deeks free zone but it's just too weird."

"Even Granger looks a little nonplussed, doesn't seem to know what to do with himself. Nell and Eric are doing their best to take his place by driving us crazy. They're bored and worried about both of you." Said Callen.

Kensi smiled her first real smile at the pictures his words created in her mind. The smile didn't last long as reality rushed back in.

"Kensi? What's up?" Sam had picked up on her drop in spirit.

"Just having a bad day. I'm bored. They won't let me out of this bed until the swelling goes down, even just for a short spin down the hallway. They're afraid I could damage something else. I'm tired of these four walls!"

"Hey, that's why we're here! To give you someone to talk to besides Deeks. Now that we know he's gone for a bit, I'm even happier we came by." Callen patted her on the arm.

"Thanks guys, I really appreciate it!"

They spent the next hour or so talking about previous cases, situations they'd found themselves in. In an effort to cheer her up, both men told funny stories about the other from when they'd first been partnered up, before Kensi had joined the team. They managed to get her mind off things until the nurse entered the room. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but it's time for Agent Blye's medication and I need to change her bandages. If you could both step outside for a little while?"

"We need to be going anyway. Kens? We'll be back tonight after work." Sam gently ran a hand over her hair and then patted her on the shoulder.

"Thanks for coming by guys. I'll talk to you later."

The two men left the room and headed for the elevator. The door opened before they even got two feet from the room and Julia Feldman steamed out, single mindedly determined to get to her daughter. She wasn't even sure if that bastard had told her he was leaving. It might fall to her to let Kensi know what he'd done. Sam put a hand out and took her arm, stopping her just outside the door.

"Julia? The nurse is in with Kensi right now. She should be out in a little while."

"Damn it!" Julia huffed out a sigh and leaned against the opposite wall.

"What's the matter?" Callen knew something was up. Kensi's mom didn't swear, at least not that he'd ever heard.

Julia narrowed her eyes at him and then at Sam. "Do either of you know what Detective Deeks has done?" The disdain with which she said Deeks's name stunned both of them. From the times they'd seen the two of them together, they'd gotten the impression that Julia adored him. When they'd all been at Sam's for Christmas, Deeks's mother and Julia seemed to get along great as well.

"He's not here right now. Kensi sent him home for a shower and a nap. Why? What's he done?" Sam asked.

"I'll tell you what he's done. That coward certainly didn't go home for a nap! He packed up all Kensi's things and stuck them in a storage locker! Then he had the nerve to show up at my house to hand _me_ a suitcase of clothes for her and the key to the locker! I don't even know if Kensi knows." She handed them the envelope with her name written on the front. Callen opened it and pulled out the receipt for a locker at You-Store-It over on Culver. There wasn't anything special about it and he put it back inside, handing it back to Julia.

Sam wondered if that was why she'd seemed so down when they got there. But why would she lie? Did she really not know that Deeks was going to do this? Why _would_ he do this? Her happiness and wellbeing had always seemed more important to him than his own. He'd seen the man's devotion to her up close and personal from the moment they'd found the two of them in that wreckage. Callen, on the other hand, was ready to blow. He was ready to scour the city and find Deeks to beat the hell out of him. Sam knew his partner well and when Callen started towards the elevator again, he grabbed him by the arm. "G? Let's think about this before you go off armed for bear."

"What's there to think about Sam? He bailed! He bailed on her when she needs him the most. Do you really think she has a clue? We just spent the last hour with her and she never said a word. He's done this without having the balls to tell her to her face! He's going to let her mother do it!"

"I don't know G. This isn't like him! There has to be more to it."

"How do you know? I wonder if any of us really know him! At the first sign of trouble, he's hit the road."

"I know because I lived it with him! He's never backed down from a challenge. Do you really think that, if that's in his nature, he would've become a cop? That he would've given himself up to Sidorov to save my life? Knowing that there would be no way they'd let him go? That he endured what they did to him without giving up my wife? Those aren't the actions of a man who runs from trouble!"

"Maybe he wouldn't run from trouble but what about a future with a woman who may never be able to walk again? Someone he'd have to do things for because she couldn't do them anymore? Maybe that kind of trouble he's not man enough to handle."

Sam found Callen's words compelling and his anger spiked. He nodded once at his partner and patted Julia on the arm. "Don't worry Julia, Callen and I will track him down and make him pay! There's no way he gets away with doing this to Kensi! He's in for a world of hurt!"

Another voice joined the conversation. Unnoticed by the three having their heated conversation in the hallway, the nurse had left the room and overheard the end of it. "Excuse me? Are you talking about Marty?"

"Oh for God's sake! Another one?" Callen looked at the pretty little nurse nervously standing there.

"I don't know what you mean by that but Marty…Mr. Deeks is a good man!"

"You don't know what he's done!" Julia replied. Her daughter had only been back in her life for a few years and she was still trying to make up for lost time by fiercely protecting her little girl, whether she needed it or not. Something Kensi found annoying but Deeks had figured it out and convinced her to let her mom have her moments.

"Look, I could probably get fired for this but you need to know what really happened. I can't let you go out and hurt him for something he didn't do!"

"What he did was put all my daughter's belongings in a storage locker and leave me holding the bag! Now I have to go in there and tell her that the man she loves has dumped her because she's now disabled! Do you still think that he's a good man?"

"She doesn't." Was the quiet reply.

"She doesn't what?" Asked Sam, confused.

"She doesn't love him."

"That's bull! My daughter is head over heels in love with him!"

"Then why did she turn down his marriage proposal? Why did she tell him that she hasn't loved him for a long time? Why did she tell him that he was to blame for her being here?"

Julia stumbled back a step, looking between Sam and Callen who appeared just as stunned.

"How do you know all this?" Callen asked.

She blushed and said. "I was on my way in to change her bandages. I heard him telling her how much he loved her and I didn't want to interrupt. I started to turn away, figuring I'd just come back later, when I heard him ask her to marry him. I couldn't help it, it was so romantic and he was so sweet. I just wanted to hear her say yes. What I heard kept me rooted to the spot, I couldn't have moved if I'd wanted to. She told him she didn't love him and that she didn't want to be his partner anymore, that if she'd had a real agent as her partner, she wouldn't have been on the helicopter when it crashed. She called him the stupid cop that she'd been stuck babysitting. He walked out of that room and right by me. He never even saw me. He was devastated. His face was white as a sheet and his eyes were dead. That's all I know. Oh, one other thing. When I finally worked up the courage to go in, I found Agent Blye in tears. I have to think she didn't mean any of it. It wasn't my business to get involved but now I have to. I couldn't let you go out there, thinking what you did and hurt a man who's already been hurt so badly!" She finally stopped for breath.

Julia was the first to recover. She looked at the door to her daughter's room and asked no one in particular. "Why? Why would she do that?" The nurse quietly made her escape, happy to know that she had stopped them from going out to hurt Marty but now worried that this could come back to bite her. She loved her job and getting fired for repeating an overheard conversation could get her blacklisted. She remembered the look on his face when he left that room and she knew that, no matter what the consequences ended up being, she would do it all over again. Behind her, the others never noticed her leave.

Sam shook his head. "I have no idea, but I'm going to ask her!" He reached out to open the door when the elevator opened again and Hetty walked out, Granger at her side.

"Mr. Hanna? Mr. Callen? A word please?" Sam huffed out a sigh as he stepped back from the door. He and Callen waited for the two to reach them. Julia waited as well, trying to make sense of everything she'd heard, not wanting to go in before she had a chance to wrap her head around all of it.

"Hetty. Granger. Are you here to visit Kensi?" Callen knew it was just an opening gambit. She wouldn't have asked for a word with them if she was just visiting.

"We will when we're done here but first, I need to know what the hell is going on with Mr. Deeks!"

"What do you mean, what's going on with Deeks?" Callen was being careful to not divulge too much before he found out exactly what Hetty knew.

"I mean that he resigned from the LAPD earlier today. Turned in his badge, his gun AND his NCIS laptop. From what Lt. Bates told me, he wouldn't say why he was leaving and that he should pass the laptop on to the next Liaison. Now he isn't answering his phone. Eric and Nell have been trying to trace him but he turned it off and removed the battery. He's also disabled the GPS in his truck. They have kaleidoscope searching for him, but no luck so far."

Granger put his two cents in. "They're going to start checking traffic cams around Deeks's precinct from an hour before Bates called Henrietta. They also checked his phone records and he made two calls before his phone went dead. The first was to his mother, who insists that something's wrong but that he wouldn't tell her what. The other was to Kip Brigham, who is currently not answering. Eric found him on a flight manifest, returning to LA from Hawaii, booked just minutes after his conversation with Deeks.. He should land in just over two hours."

"So, I ask again Mr. Callen. Do you know what's going on?" Hetty asked.

Callen sighed and repeated what the nurse had told them and about Deeks showing up at Julia's with Kensi's clothes and the storage locker key. Granger closed his eyes and shook his head. He knew that if they didn't find him soon, they may never do so. The man was a skilled undercover operative. He could change his appearance and never be seen again, something he found himself unhappy to contemplate. When had the scruffy and annoying cop gotten past his shields? Hetty just stared at the wall for a moment. "Well, I think we need to go to the source. No time like the present." She reached out and opened the door to Kensi's room.

Kensi looked up when the door opened again. Sam and Callen had said they would be back later. They hadn't been gone all that long. When Hetty walked in, she pasted on a phony smile and opened her mouth to say hello. When Granger, her mom and her two teammates walked through the door behind her, she knew something was wrong. Deeks? Oh God, what if something had happened to him and the last things she'd said to him were nasty lies? She'd already been regretting saying what she had. Now that she'd had time to think about it, she knew he would've been happy to do anything for her that needed to be done, for as long as she needed it. She'd blown it big time. By trying to save him from the burden of her new disability, she'd ruined any chances of them finding their way together. "What's wrong? Is it Deeks? Is he okay?"

"You sound as if you care Miss. Blye? Why would that be?"

Kensi stared open mouthed at her boss. She knew! Somehow she knew! She swallowed hard and asked. "How?"

"How is not important. Why is what we need to know! Why would you do that to him Kensi?"

Hetty's use of her first name showed just how disappointed and upset the tiny woman was at her. She blurted out. "I couldn't let him spend the rest of his life tied to a cripple! I didn't want to be a burden on him." The last words were said so softly, the others could barely hear her.

"Kens, he loves you! Why do you think he'd see taking care of you as a burden? If your roles were reversed, would you have felt he was a burden that you didn't want to take on? Would you have been relieved if he did to you what you did to him?" Sam asked quietly.

The tears started, she couldn't control them. "Of course not!"

"Then why didn't you expect him to have the same faith in you that you have in him? Why would you make that decision for him?"

"I wasn't thinking! I still can't imagine a future where I can't walk. Where I'll be stuck in a wheelchair as my legs wither away! I didn't want him to see me like that!"

"Well, you may get your wish Blye. Deeks has resigned from the LAPD and disappeared off the radar. Beale and Jones are trying to locate him now." Granger said.

"He quit LAPD? Why would he do that?"

Sam shook his head, she really didn't understand what she'd done. "He wouldn't tell Bates why but I can only guess that he's decided to cut all ties with LA. He put your stuff in storage and left the key with your mother."

"Mom? You saw him? What did he say?" Kensi was desperate for information.

"He said…he said…that he was leaving town and had given up the house! Oh my God! I slapped him and called him a coward and he never said a word! Even then he was protecting you! Oh Kensi, what have you done?" She reached out and took her daughter's hand.

"He gave up the house? He loved that place! Where would he go?"

"That's something we're trying to determine. When we find him, we'll make sure you have the chance to try to repair the bridges you burned, Miss. Blye. I'm just not sure you'll succeed. Mr. Hanna, Mr. Callen, could you please go to the house and see if Mr. Deeks is there? I have a feeling he won't be but I want all avenues covered. Now, please!"

Sam and Callen nodded their understanding and headed for the door. Callen stopped and turned back to Kensi. Sam stopped and waited for him by the door. "Kens? Of everyone here, I probably understand best why you did what you did. I would most likely have done the same. But I also need you to realize and come to terms with the fact that we may never find him. We'll try, but the world is a big place and, as goofy as he comes off, he's damn good at being undercover. If he goes underground and doesn't want to be found, then he won't be found."

Kensi nodded her understanding and leaned into her mother for support. Julia wrapped her arms around her, upset with what she'd done but willing to do what she could to try to take some of the pain away. Kensi turned it over in her mind. If she'd only thought this through more carefully, she would've known that this was exactly how Deeks would react. She may never see him again. How could she have thought that he would just blithely continue on with NCIS? She may be strong and she may be independent, but everyone needed someone at one point or another in their lives. She turned her head into her mother's arms and started to sob quietly, something she would normally never do in front of anyone, except Deeks. That fact alone told everyone in the room that she was under more strain from the accident than they'd realized and hadn't been thinking clearly. She was one of the best at putting on a good face even when she was hurting inside. For her to break down in front of them spoke volumes.

Sam and Callen left, Hetty and Granger on their heels after quietly saying their goodbyes, leaving mother to comfort daughter as best she could. They met at the elevator where the other two were waiting for a car to appear. "Gentlemen, I don't have to tell you that you need to find Mr. Deeks and soon. For both their sakes. I'll have Nell check into the storage facility." Both men nodded as the elevator pinged its arrival and the doors opened. All four got on but said nothing, each lost in their thoughts. Worry about Deeks but also Kensi, foremost in their minds. Snippets of conversations and mental pictures of the two of them together flitted through their minds. When they reached the ground floor, they split up. Sam and Callen to the Challenger to head over to Deeks's place. Hetty and Granger to his car to head back to the Mission to see how their analysts were doing. They both knew they'd found nothing substantial yet or they would have heard something but one could hope.

~,~,~,~

It was quiet in the Challenger as each man processed the events of the day. They were both worried that they may never see the scruffy cop again. Sam owed Deeks his life and that of his wife. Callen owed Deeks for not allowing that sadistic Russian bastard to take away the most stable person in his life. On top of that, they'd both come to care for him even though neither would admit it. His bright and sunny outlook on life would be missed if he couldn't be found. Both claimed to find him annoying but could also point out countless times when his jokes, while usually off color or not all that amusing, broke the tension when a case got rough. If Kensi didn't recover the use of her legs and they couldn't find Deeks, life at OSP would be very different indeed. Lost in their thoughts, both were taken by surprise when they pulled up to the house, neither remembering the actual drive.

They sat in the car and watched with disbelief as a woman tried to drive a for rent sign into the ground in front of the house. Sam was the first to recover and quickly got out of the car. He bore down on the woman, Callen now right behind him. She watched them come and then her eyes darted up and down the street, looking for someone who would help her if she needed it. The street was empty. When Callen realized the woman was frightened, he pulled out his badge and said. "Federal Agents."

Her body relaxed and she nervously smiled at them. "Rosemary Lock, Lock Real Estate. What can I do for you?" Callen held out his hand and she shook it, then shook Sam's. She was still hesitant as she worried about why these men were here.

"We need to know if you know where Detective Deeks is." Said Callen.

"Marty? Why? Is he in some kind of trouble?" She genuinely like the man and couldn't understand why federal agents would be looking for him.

"No, he's not in trouble, at least not that we know of. He works with us and we're worried about him." Sam replied.

She blew out a sigh. "I knew something was wrong when he came by this afternoon and gave notice! I was the one who rented this place to him and I know how much he loved it. He didn't tell me why, just paid his last month's rent and handed me the key. I was sorry he was leaving, he and Kensi were good tenants. The neighbors loved having a cop living here, made them feel safer."

"Any chance you could let us inside to take a look around?" Sam asked.

"Sure but you won't find anything. Place is clean as a whistle, I'd swear it's cleaner than when he moved in." She led them up to the front door and unlocked it. She hadn't been kidding. There was not a stick of furniture, a piece of paper or spec of dirt anywhere.

"Guess Deeks's cleanliness OCD kicked in big time when he packed up G." As a joke, it fell flat, the emptiness of the place depressing both of them. They'd both spent time here and Deeks had made it feel homey and comfortable, with his surfboard leaning up against a wall, a guitar resting on a chair in the living room, other items scattered around, neat but lived in. Without really speaking about it, they were eager to get out. They checked the second floor but it was as clean as the downstairs.

When they reached ground level again, Callen held out his hand. "Thank you Ms. Lock. You've been very helpful."

"I wish I could tell you something more, but he told me next to nothing."

"We understand." Callen said. They left her relocking the door and stopped when they reached the car. He pulled out his cellphone and dialed. "Hetty? We're at Deeks's place. It's been cleaned out and we found a realtor here putting up a for rent sign in front. She let us in to look around but it's like it's been cleaned by a professional. Not a single clue as to where he went."

"Understood Mr. Callen. I expected as much. Nell discovered that Mr. Deeks rented two lockers. The bigger one is in Kensi's name, the other is in his. She talked to the facility's owner and he said Mr. Deeks came by with two young men earlier today and filled both lockers up. He told me once that one of his neighbor's sons watched Monty for him when he had to be gone and walked him during the day. You might want to find this young man. It would make sense that he helped loading and unloading the truck. He may have more information."

"Understood Hetty. Should I do anything about the house? Ask her to hold off on putting it up for rent?"

"No, Mr. Callen. If we don't find Mr. Deeks, leaving it sit empty while we pay the rent, makes no sense. Kensi won't want to go back there. Even if it were handicapped accessible, I'm sure there will be too many memories there for her. I imagine she will stay with her mother once she's released from the hospital until she gets her bearings."

"Okay, we'll let you know if we find the boy."

"Very good Mr. Callen." He hung up and relayed the information to Sam.

"I think I know who you're talking about. I don't know his name but I'm pretty sure he said the realtor put the two of them in touch. Apparently she knows the family."

Both turned and headed back to where Rosemary was still struggling with the sign. Sam smiled at her and held out his hand for the hammer. She smiled back and gladly handed it over. She'd done this hundreds of times and still hadn't gotten the knack of getting it smoothly into the ground. Sam knocked it firmly in place with one hard hit of the hammer. He handed it back and asked. "Deeks said you introduced him to someone in the neighborhood who was willing to watch Monty. Could you give us his name? We think he helped Deeks move and might know something."

"Sure! His name is Justin Prentiss and he lives with his mom and dad in the green house just a few houses up." She pointed up the street. They nodded their thanks and headed up to the house she'd pointed out.

Callen knocked on the door and both men took out their badges. A pretty brunette answered the door. "Can I help you?"

Both held up their badges and Callen said. "Federal Agents. Is Justin Prentiss at home?" They immediately saw her guard go up, worried about why federal agents were looking for her son. He quickly moved to reassure her. "He's not in any trouble. We're just hoping he can help us find our friend, Marty Deeks."

"Marty? Yeah, I got home from work a little while ago and Justin told me he'd helped move Kensi and him out of the house. We're really going to miss them around here! Justin's in the den, let me get him for you. Would you like to come in?"

"Thank you Mrs. Prentiss, we really appreciate it." Callen said as he and Sam entered the house. She left them alone in the living room as she went to get her son. She returned with the young man quickly.

He held out his hand and both agents shook it. "Mom says you're here about Marty? I knew something was wrong, I knew it."

"What made you think that?" Asked Sam. He took point.

"He was real quiet and didn't joke around like he usually does. Plus, who moves out that quick? If it was planned, he would have come and asked me sooner to make sure that I was available to help. He was lucky neither Derek nor I had plans for today."

"Did he say where he was going?"

Justin looked at both of them, suddenly suspicious. "Why do you want to know? What's going on? Is Marty in some kind of trouble?"

"No, no he's not in any trouble with the law. He's a friend and coworker. There's been a huge misunderstanding and we need to find him before he's gone for good."

"It's with Kensi, isn't it? I felt like he was lying when he said she was going with him. Plus, all her stuff went into a separate locker. Is she okay?" His concern for both of them was evident in his voice.

"She's in the hospital and something happened, now Deeks has gone off the radar. What happened is between the two of them, we're just trying to find him to allow them a chance to work things out."

"Hospital? Is she going to be okay? Which one? Can I visit her?" The questions came rapid fire.

"Pacific Beach Medical and I'm sure she'd like it if you did. Now, did he say anything about where he was headed?"

"No, just said he was putting their stuff in storage because they were going on a long term assignment and didn't want to pay rent for that long. He said they were going to be away for a year or longer."

"Nothing else? No passing comment that might give us a hint where he was going?"

"No, like I said, he was real quiet. Didn't say much at all. Totally not like him."

Sam sighed and held out one of his cards. "If anything comes to mind, no matter how inconsequential it seems, call that number, day or night. Thanks for talking to us."

Justin shook their hands again and his mother showed them out. When they got back to the car, Rosemary was gone. Sam rested his forearms on the roof of the car and Callen stared back at him across it. "I got a bad feeling about this G. She hurt him so bad he packed up and left overnight. He could be anywhere by now."

"I know, I have the same bad feeling. I'm not planning on giving up though, you?"

"Hell no! I don't care how long it takes, we'll keep looking. Let's head back to ops and see what the Wonder Twins have come up with."

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	3. Chapter 3

A/N – Forgot to add the disclaimer that I own nothing but my original characters. Freudian slip? Wishful thinking?

A/N2 – To my guest reviewers who I can't respond to directly: Thanks! Gracias! Merci! This story has elicited some polar opposite reviews on both Kensi and Deeks's actions and I am so intrigued!

To "Me": I hope none of the stories where the author's notes are longer than the story are mine!

To Caroline: I hadn't really thought about the fact that she was willing to saddle her mom with her but not Deeks. I think Julia would expect it but Kensi would be resistant. The relationship with Deeks is a romantic one and she once told him that she only ever wanted him to see the best side of her. I also think she's so scared, she's convinced herself that this is permanent.

To Ryan C: I think I know the story you are referring to. The accusation of cheating was important to the direction of that story. For mine, I think it would have detracted from it. I'm glad I stayed away from it as well!

To Astrida: Wonder Twins always come through!

A/N3 – annoying, aren't I? Sorry, but I can't let the opportunity go by without thanking my beta, honus47 for once again catching all the typos in a chapter I swore was issue free!

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Chapter 3

Deeks spent the night in a cheap motel that didn't blink an eye when he paid cash. He showed the Higgins license to the very bored young man behind the counter who didn't even look at it beyond a quick glance. This morning, he had one last stop to make before heading to the Mexican border. Paying Justin and Derek, plus the rent on the motel room, had wiped out what ready cash he'd had on hand. He needed to hit the bank as soon as it opened and get enough money to last him for maybe as long as three months as he had no intention of using any of his credit cards. He pulled into a parking lot he knew of that was several blocks from the branch he normally went to. He'd learned from working ops on several dealers that this particular lot had no surveillance cameras and the traffic cams were easy to avoid in the area. Great for deals and handoffs. Eric and Nell would get an alert that he'd withdrawn money and he didn't want to give them any hint as to what he was driving. He parked in a shady spot, rolled down the windows a bit and told Monty he'd be right back. With the tinted windows and the shade, his buddy should be okay for the half hour or so he'd be gone. He patted the mutt on the head, shut the door and set the alarm. He headed out to the street and took a left.

Walking into the bank, he was greeted by the security guard. Paul Stearns was a retired LAPD street cop and the two had become friendly. Today Deeks didn't have time to linger so he used the excuse that he'd left Monty in the car and was worried he'd be gone too long. They parted with a handshake and Deeks went to the first available window. He withdrew three thousand and made sure there was enough in his checking to cover his last month's rent check and any residual bills that would be coming through electronically. He turned to walk out and noticed the security camera. He felt bad that he hadn't said goodbye to anyone and so, looked full on into the lens, held up his hand and executed a small wave as he mouthed "Goodbye." He turned and walked out and Paul watched him go with a frown on his face, feeling like something just wasn't right. It wouldn't be twenty minutes before Eric found that video and he and Nell sat in ops watching it over and over. They knew it was meant for them. They also knew it meant Deeks was aware they'd be tracking him and things had just gotten harder.

Once Deeks was back at the truck, he pulled a manila envelope out of the glove box where he'd stowed it. Inside were three passports and two corresponding driver's licenses. Only one passport was in his own name. He took out his wallet and put his license in with the others. He also took out all the cash he'd withdrawn from it and placed all but two hundred inside. From the envelope, he pulled out the passport and license for an alias he'd never used. LAPD had set him up as Richard Higgins to work an op on a dealer who was smuggling drugs over the border, license and passport but no backstopping. The op had never gotten off the ground as the dealer had turned up dead only days before it was to start. Deeks had held onto them in case he ever needed them. He would be Higgins when he crossed the border, a man with a passport and California driver's license, but who didn't exist anywhere else. After that, Higgins would disappear and Martin Ridley would take his place. It was an alias that was in the LAPD database, but he was hoping he would never have occasion to have it recorded anywhere once he was in Mexico. He took the envelope and carefully folded it down as small as he could. He reached under the driver's seat from the back and carefully tucked it as far in the springs as he could, next to his back up piece. It was his own gun, not LAPD or NCIS issue, so he hadn't had to turn it in to anyone. The border cops shouldn't have any reason to do a search so both items should be safe there.

He pulled a baseball cap out of the back, a new one with Teton on the front, and got in the driver's seat. He sat a pair of sunglasses on his nose, put the cap on, pulling it low over his eyes and tucking his hair up under it. Looking in the rearview mirror, he tilted his head. Not his best disguise but it should be good enough. He stared at the man in the mirror, not able to see his eyes and wondered if he was doing the right thing. He remembered Kensi's words and nodded at himself. He needed to get away and he knew where he was going. He started up the truck and left the lot, following from memory, the best route that avoided other cameras as he headed for the US/Mexico border.

~,~,~,~

Hetty and Granger reached the Mission and, by unspoken agreement, both headed up to ops to see what, if anything, had turned up on the detective, _ex-detective_. The doors opened to a video of Deeks in a bank lobby playing on the big screen. Eric was hitting rewind and play while Nell stood in front of the screen and stared at it. The new arrivals walked up behind her and watched their shaggy fugitive wave and mouth goodbye over and over. Hetty was the first to speak. "I see you've found our Mr. Deeks. Good work, both of you!" Nell turned to her with tears in her eyes but it was Eric who spoke.

"Don't be so congratulatory just yet. We found him at the bank but lost him almost immediately. He knows where every camera is and I think Sam taught him about tradecraft just a little too well. He walked out that door and we haven't been able to find him anywhere since. While you were gone, we did as you asked. We did a search for him on any cameras we could find at his precinct, from an hour before he resigned to when we found him walk in and then walk out ten minutes later. After that? Same thing, no trace until we got an alert on his bank account."

"Hetty? He took out three grand! It sounds as if he's planning on being gone a long time!" Nell sniffed, struggling to keep from crying. She'd always enjoyed Deeks, his nicknames for her making her feel like one of the team, and the few times they'd been out in the field together, while Kensi was in Afghanistan, had been fun and instructive. He'd never made her feel inexperienced and was always gentle if he had to correct her on anything. Thanking her when she'd been able to best him on something, his stock phrase of "Well played." always spoken with a grin. She'd learned a lot from him, something she hadn't been able to convince the other NCIS agents about. She couldn't believe that he'd run out on Kensi because she'd lost the use of her legs. She knew in her heart he wasn't that kind of man, something Eric agreed with her on. Neither understood what was going on and she had said so to her regular partner in crime.

Hetty sighed and related what they'd learned at the hospital. Nell didn't know what to say. She tried to imagine being shot out of the sky, waking up to find herself unable to walk. Not knowing if it might be permanent. She wondered if she'd push Eric away when she needed him most, hurt him the way Kensi had hurt Deeks. She honestly didn't think she would or even could do that to him. She was torn between pity for her friend and anger at what she had done to someone else she considered a friend. Eric had no such dilemma and was vocal about it, convinced that Nell would never do that to him in the same situation. Hetty finally held her hand up and said. "What's done is done. We can't turn back time, we can only try to find our Mr. Deeks and find a way to get him back here, where he belongs. Miss. Blye has a lot to account for but is already regretting her actions. We need to understand her reasoning and know that she was doing what she thought best for him at the time, misguided as it was. As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20. Get to work and find him please."

Nell and Eric immediately went back to work, bouncing ideas off each other as to where their friend might have gone. Both were pretty sure it would be Mexico. They knew he often went there to surf and would be familiar with the country, plus the border was so close. However, they also knew that Deeks would know that and they worried that he would go in another direction. Granger had said nothing since entering ops, looking at the now still picture of the annoying detective waving, his mouth pursed as he pronounced the first part of his goodbye. He was worried and angry at the same time. He wasn't exactly sure who to direct his anger towards, anger that surprised him. When he had first come to L.A. to become the Assistant Director, the detective had annoyed him endlessly. Now, the idea that he may never see him again, had him feeling things that he'd thought long buried. Things he wasn't sure he was happy had been dug up.

Callen and Sam walked through the door, having headed back to ops from Deeks's place. Correction, his old place. They stepped up beside Granger, taking in the frozen picture of their AWOL teammate. Callen said. "Eric, Nell? Can one of you start up this video? And give us what else you found out." Eric rewound the tape and they all watched Deeks enter the bank and talk to the security guard, shaking his hand. They watched as he went to the teller's window. When he started to walk out and stopped to wave at the camera and say goodbye, Callen surprised everyone as he said in a low voice. "Bugger!" Every eye in ops, but especially Hetty, looked at him in shock. "What? It's the one word that fits!" Heads slowly nodded and the analysts turned back to their computers. When Hetty filled them in on Deeks's activities, including the significant amount of cash withdrawn, they all knew he would be going off grid and very hard to find.

~,~,~,~

Two hours after walking out of the bank, Deeks was sitting in line, waiting to cross the border. The drive had been lonely, his thoughts chaotic as they wandered all over the place. He'd called himself a coward more than once, echoing Julia, but for different reasons. She'd thought he'd abandoned her little girl, not knowing the whole story. He wondered if Kensi would tell her the truth or if she'd pretend to not know why he had left. He thought about the fact that her words had driven him from the only home he'd ever known. He hadn't lied when he'd told Brandon Booth, all those years ago when the young man's father had been killed by his own uncle over the location of a high value bounty, that he'd never lived more than two miles from the house he'd grown up in. He still wasn't even sure he was angry with her, just hurt and floundering, not knowing which way to turn. Until he'd thought of the one person he could turn to, the one person who wouldn't put up with any nonsense from him and would, hopefully, help him to put things into perspective and find a way to get on with his life without the woman who made that life worth living. He'd never thought he'd needed that kind of relationship, but after being with her, he couldn't imagine settling for anything less now. He wondered if it would have been better to have never met her, to have never fallen so deeply in love, to have never let someone into his life so deeply that he didn't know where he stopped and she began. He thought about that carefully and realized it was something so wonderful, while it lasted, that he could never wish that it hadn't happened. He hoped there would come a time when he would be able to look back and remember their time together with happiness and not the searing sense of loss he felt right now.

He'd been so into his own thoughts, he hadn't realized he'd moved up to the immigration booth until the guard asked him for the third time for his passport. He smiled at the man and apologized, saying he was just picturing his time in Mexico, handing over the passport for Higgins, keeping his head down so that the cameras wouldn't get a good shot of him. The young man asked how long he would be staying and he replied two days, knowing that anything under 72 hours wouldn't require a Visa or Tourist Card. When asked where he was staying, he lied again and said Tijuana as it was within the border zone. When, or if, red flags were raised that he'd exceeded his allowable stay in Mexico, they would find out that Higgins didn't exist and would have no idea what name to look for him under.

The guard put the passport into the reader and got notification that all was well. He handed it back to Deeks and wished him a good time while in Mexico. Deeks grinned back at him and thanked him. The grin lasted only seconds after he pulled way, the pain overwhelming him again. He pointed the borrowed truck towards El Rosario, almost four hours south of Tijuana. The small fishing village had a population of under two thousand, one of them being someone he trusted more than anyone else on the planet. At least until he'd joined NCIS.

~,~,~,~

He drove into the small coastal town and put the windows down, breathing deeply to pull in the salty air that never failed to calm him, until now. Somewhat disappointed, he pointed the truck towards the beach, watching for the small marina where he desperately sought refuge. He knew he was taking a chance that the boat would be there, the owner spending more time on the water than he did. He turned into the dirt road he'd only traveled once or twice, taking care with Kip's truck. When he reached the marina, the sight of the large boat he'd been heading for broke something loose in him and tears streaked down his face. He brushed them away, not wanting to give anything away when he showed up on his friend's doorstep…or gang way as the case may be. He paused on the dock and hoped he'd have a good reception, never thinking until now that he should have called ahead. Squaring his shoulders, he started up the ramp. When he stepped on board, he wasn't particularly surprised to find a gun pointed at him.

"Kinda an overreaction there, don't ya think?" He asked.

The man looked at him in confusion. "Mijo? What the hell are you doing down here? Is everything okay?" He'd already taken in the red rimmed eyes and dejected body language but wanted his friend to have some dignity if he didn't want to share.

Deeks chin quivered just a bit as he replied. "No, Ruben. No, everything is not okay." The man tucked the gun away and pulled him into a hug, never having seen his young friend so distressed. When he'd been his boss at LAPD, it had always seemed like not much got him down, at least not for long. Something serious had to have happened to send Deeks all this way without any warning to him.

"Come on in. We'll talk." He released Deeks and turned towards the living quarters of his boat, knowing Deeks would follow. The detective paused and then followed his old LAPD buddy inside. When they reached what passed as the living room/kitchen, Ruben turned to his old friend and asked. "What the hell is going on mijo? What brought you to me after all this time, looking like your best friend just died?"

Deeks started. "Monty! Ruben, I brought Monty with me, okay if he comes onboard?"

"Of course! You know I have a soft spot for that mangy mutt."

"He isn't mangy!" Deeks stuck up for the dog that was now his only family. He turned and hurried out of the boat, heading towards the truck and the dog who was looking at him with sad puppy dog eyes, silently asking how Deeks could have forgotten him. Deeks opened the back door and unbuckled him from the backseat. He clipped on the leash and let him out. The dog eagerly sniffed around, lifting his leg against anything that caught his attention. When he was done, he turned and looked at his human with a questioning look as if asking, 'Well, what next?' as he waited patiently. Deeks had to smile at him and turned back to the boat. Monty balked at the ramp but Deeks finally coaxed him up. When he saw Ruben the dog's tail started to wag furiously, remembering the man who found all the best itchy spots. Ruben gave Monty what he wanted, waiting for Deeks to compose himself.

He looked up to find his friend staring off into space. "What's going on Marty? You know you can tell me anything."

"I know Ruben. It's one of the reasons I came down here. I need someone I can count on to help me deal with this."

"You can always count on me. I told you when I retired that I would always be here for you. Just because I'm not a cop anymore, doesn't mean we aren't still friends. I care about you, I always will. Now. What the hell happened? The last time we spoke, you were on cloud nine. In love and about to propose. Now you show up on my doorstep with no warning. Did she say no?"

"That and a whole lot more. Listen, can we talk about this later? I needed to make sure you were in town. Now that I know you are, I need to find a room somewhere. Anywhere you'd recommend that's close by and will allow me to have Monty with me?"

Ruben thought about offering to let him bunk with him on the boat but then realized Deeks would probably want some space. He thought about it and suddenly a smile appeared on his face. He was going to be slightly selfish and kill two birds with one stone. There was a homey little B&B right by the marina that was run by a woman about his age, someone he'd had his eye on for a while but who didn't seem to be interested in anything other than friendship. He could bring Marty there and know his friend was in a nice place and, if he happened to now have a reason to drop by more often, well, what was the harm in that? He also knew Clarinda loved all animals and would allow Monty to stay with no questions. "Yeah, I know a nice little place, right on the water and close to here. The owner allows pets and is a really good person. Do you want to head there now?"

"Yeah. It was a long ride and I'd like to get cleaned up and take a nap. I'm exhausted. The only time I stopped since I left L.A. was to let Monty out to stretch his legs."

"That's a long trip with no real stops, mijo. You look like you haven't slept in a few days."

"I haven't, not really. Can we head there now?"

"Let's go."

They headed out to the parking lot where Deeks had left Kip's truck. All three of them got in and Ruben directed them to the B&B. He hadn't lied, it would only be about a five minute walk to the marina once Deeks got settled in. Ruben led the way inside, looking for the woman who had caught his fancy, finding her in the small den off the entrance. "Hola Clarinda. I've brought you a customer. Do you have a room available for him and his dog?"

"Of course Ruben! Come in, come in." Clarinda had stood up when she heard the front door open and didn't want to admit that her heart sped up a bit when Ruben walked through the entry to the den. The man intrigued her but she had only been a widow for a couple years and she wasn't sure how to show her interest in any man who wasn't her husband. She turned to the young man with him and held out her hand. "Any friend of Ruben's is welcome here. I'm Clarinda Rodriguez and you are?"

Ruben opened his mouth to introduce the two but Deeks beat him to it as he shook her hand. "Marty. Marty Ridley." Ruben turned to look at him in surprise, his worry ramping up as he heard the phony name he'd just introduced himself as. He frowned, wondering exactly what was going on with him. A rejected proposal did _not_ require a phony name.

"Mr. Ridley, it's nice to meet you."

"Marty, please."

"Marty then. And who might this be?" Clarinda bent over and scratched behind Monty's ears and both men watched the dog fall in love.

"This is Monty. He's quiet and very good. He won't bother any of your other guests."

Clarinda laughed and Ruben's heart squeezed in his chest. He loved the sound of her laugh. "That won't be a problem. You and Monty will be my only guests. I never was sure why my husband picked here to open a B&B when he retired. It's not like we get a lot of tourists. I always figured it was because the fishing is so good around here." She smiled at Ruben. "Same reason why this old coot ended up on my doorstep."

Deeks laughed for the first time in what felt like days and decided he liked this woman. He could also tell that Ruben did as well, as more than friends although that appeared to be all they were, at the moment anyway. He could see that Clarinda returned Ruben's interest but their body language indicated that nothing had come of it yet. He was torn between being happy for the man who had watched his back during the early part of his career, and pain over the loss of what he'd thought he'd had, before it was all ripped away from him. He turned away, making an excuse that he needed to get his things out of the truck. Both watched him leave. When he disappeared from sight, Clarinda turned to Ruben.

"There's a world of hurt in that boy. What happened?"

"I don't know but I intend to find out. Pretty sure it has to do with a woman. He called me a few weeks ago to tell me he'd bought her a ring and was going to propose. I never met her but she was all he could ever talk about when we spoke. They met through work and became best friends that progressed to so much more. He just showed up here today with no warning, obviously upset. Apparently she said no and, I quote, a whole lot more. He shut down after that and I haven't been able to get anything else out of him about it."

"You're a good friend Ruben."

"He's more than a friend. He's the closest thing I ever had to a son. There's a part of me that wants to head to L.A. and find her, give her a good piece of my mind, but I think he needs me here right now."

Clarinda opened her mouth to reply but shut it when they heard footsteps approaching them. Deeks appeared in the doorway with his duffle bag, Monty's doggie bed and a bag of dog food. He'd decided to leave his surfboard locked in the bed of his truck until he had the chance to scope out the room. She walked up and took the doggie bed from him. "Follow me. I'll put you in our best room and then we can get the paperwork out of the way." Deeks nodded and he, Ruben and Monty followed in her wake as she led the way upstairs.

When she opened the door to the room, she was pleased at the look on his face. The room faced the ocean and had a small deck with two chairs and table. He immediately put his things on the bed and went to open the slider, breathing in the ocean air that immediately permeated the room. He turned to her. "Clarinda, this room is perfect! Thank you."

"You're very welcome Marty. I think I'm going to enjoy having you and Monty stay here with me. The bathroom is through that door and is private. There are plenty of towels but let me know if you want more."

"I will, thanks again."

"Now, let's go back downstairs and fill out that paperwork." Deeks left Monty in the room as he and Ruben followed her back downstairs. "I just need to see your passport and get a credit card."

Deeks handed her the Ridley passport and knew he would have some explaining to do later when he caught the look that flashed across Ruben's face. He cleared his throat and asked. "Would you mind if I just left a cash deposit instead of using a credit card? I got into a little trouble with it and I'm trying to pay down the balance."

She hesitated. There was something more going on here but she trusted Ruben and, if he vouched for his friend, she would let this slide. Maybe he would open up to one of them after he'd been here awhile. She nodded and mentioned a sum that had Deeks's eyebrows disappear under his bangs. "That's what I'd pay for one night in a crummy motel in L.A. Surely it has to be more than that?"

She smiled at him, happy to know that her instincts were right, he wasn't trying to put something over on her. "That's one week's rent on the room. I'll keep that until you leave and give it back to you once I assess the room. You can pay weekly."

Deeks nodded and dug out his wallet. He handed her two week's rent and she gave him a receipt, along with the key to the room. "The rent includes breakfast and dinner. While most Mexicans eat their big meal at lunch, I have mine at dinner time as my clientele, when I have them, are usually American. I was planning on making Chili Relleno tonight. I hope you'll join me?" She looked at the expression on Ruben's face and had to smile. She knew it was one of his favorites. How had the handsome old dog gotten under her skin so easily? "Ruben, you're welcome to join us. I'll make a Sopapilla for dessert to celebrate Marty's visit."

Ruben bowed to her. "I would be honored to join you, thank you for including me dear lady."

Deeks watched the two perform the dance he knew so well and felt the pain again. He pasted on a smile and said. "I will definitely join you for dinner. What time?"

"Will 8 work for you?"

"That would be fine. I'm going to head upstairs and take a shower. After that I'm hoping to take a quick nap. It's been a long day. Ruben, I'll see you later?"

Ruben nodded and said. "You will mijo. And after? You and I need to talk." Deeks nodded in return, knowing this was what he'd come here for but was not looking forward to reliving it all. He turned and went up to his room, the two standing below watching his slow ascent. Ruben shook his head and said to Clarinda. "I've never seen that boy move so slowly. Whatever happened between the two of them has broken his spirit and it's breaking my heart." He turned back to her. "I'll see you in a couple of hours? Can I bring anything?"

"Yes. A nice big bottle of tequila."

He smiled at her and nodded, taking his leave.

~,~,~,~

Callen knocked on the door of the impressive home Kip Brigham lived in, while Sam waited behind him. Eric had confirmed that the NBA star had, indeed, been on the flight from Hawaii. He had been picked up by a car service and brought to his home the night before. After seeing the footage from the bank, they were more determined than ever to find their friend. Both were angry at Kensi but a little angry with Deeks as well. He hadn't stuck around to say goodbye in person. Hadn't allowed them to have their say. If he'd just waited, Kensi would have broken down and the two of them could have talked, maybe have repaired their relationship, maybe not, but instead he'd left without a word.

The door opened and Kip looked at the two men on his doorstep. Based on conversations he'd had with Marty over the years since he'd started working with the team from NCIS, he was pretty sure who they were. However, he wasn't going to make it easy for them. His first, and only, priority was to protect his friend. "Can I help you?"

Callen pulled out his badge. "Agent Callen, NCIS."

Kip looked at the badge held out to him and nodded. Looking at the big man behind Callen, he asked. "That would make you Agent Hanna then?"

Both looked surprised and Sam nodded.

"What can I do for two federal agents this fine day?"

Sam spoke first. "We're looking for Marty Deeks. Have you heard from him?"

"Why? Has he done something?"

Callen spoke up. "He's just wanted for some questions regarding a federal matter." They too, were not giving anything away. Kip was glad that Marty had warned him that they might try something along these lines and he felt anger flare up that they would try to make him believe the most honest person he knew, had done something wrong.

"I haven't talked to Marty for a while."

"Mr. Brigham, we know that's a lie. We know he called you yesterday."

"I must have missed his call and he didn't leave a message. I was on vacation in Hawaii."

"A vacation you suddenly cut short after that phone call. One that lasted three minutes and 12 seconds. Kind of a long time considering you didn't answer and he didn't leave a message, wouldn't you say?" Asked Sam.

Kip drew himself up to his full height. "And you had a warrant to check my phone records I hope?" He hadn't hung around with Marty for so long without picking up some legal knowledge. Sam and Callen exchanged a look. They both knew Eric hadn't had a warrant and that they would never have gotten one if they'd tried. They had no valid reason for one to be granted. What they'd hoped was, that Brigham wouldn't know they needed one. Correctly interpreting the look, Kip felt a moment's triumph, wishing he could tell Marty how he'd shut the big bad federal agents up. Thinking of his friend took the feeling away and he just felt tired.

"Look, I don't know where he is and even if I knew, I wouldn't tell you."

"Why not?" Asked Callen.

"Because he's the best friend I've ever had and I wouldn't be where I am if it hadn't been for him. Now, unless you have more _lies_ to tell me or a warrant for my arrest, I will bid both of you goodbye and ask that you leave my property." He quietly shut the door in the face of the two men who stood nonplussed on the doorstep. How had that gone so wrong, so quickly?

They looked at each other and Sam said quietly. "We should've just been honest with him. Told him that we're worried about Deeks. That he means as much to us as he does to him." He'd agreed with this approach as neither had any idea what Deeks had told the man. By trying to protect Deeks, they'd made an enemy of his friend.

Callen nodded and asked. "No reason why we can't give that a try, right?" Sam nodded and Callen reached out to knock on the door again. They waited and waited some more. Callen knocked again and again they waited without the door opening. It would appear that Kip Brigham had no intention of opening the door to them again. They'd have to try another avenue. Turning away, they silently walked to Sam's Challenger to head back to the Mission and report their failure.

~,~,~,~

A/N4 – Ruben was the name of Deeks's boss in Hand to Hand. He says he needs to talk to his boss before joining forces with NCIS and Hetty tells she already did saying. "Ruben says Hi." This has always stuck with me for some reason and I've seen him pop up in other stories so I guess I'm not the only one.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N – Thanks to all my guest reviewers I can't respond to (me, French fan, every one listed as guest). Thanks! Merci! Gracias! Grazie!

Caroline – Thank you for the kind review and I love that you question me! It often gives me ideas on what to write in the next chapter. As to why he's running, I just think that sometimes you need to lick your wounds in private and don't want to endure the pitying looks and well-meaning sympathetic words, even from your closest friends. He may have taken it a bit far but wouldn't be much of a story without it.

Kate – I saw a couple of your responses to this story and other reviewer's responses to you. You are right, Mexico is south of Texas, but it runs coast to coast, just like the U.S., and also borders California, Arizona and New Mexico. I'm also not sure why you asked if Santa Ana went to LA with the Mexican army to take over the Alamo. Everyone should know that the Alamo is in Texas.

~,~,~,~

Chapter 4

Ruben walked through the door of the B&B with a bottle of tequila in one hand and a bouquet of flowers, _for the table_ , in the other. If he'd shaved, combed his hair and dressed in a nice pair of jeans and a button down shirt, well, his friend was in town and he wanted to look his best for their first dinner together in a long time. Clarinda walked out of the kitchen, having heard footsteps, drying her hands on a dish towel. She took in the very nicely cleaned up Ruben and her heart fluttered in her chest. She wasn't sure she'd ever seen him so dressed up and found her attraction to him increase. Calming her run away heart, she smiled and said. "Ruben, you're right on time. What do you have there?"

Ruben lifted the bottle of tequila and waggled it back and forth, eliciting a laugh from her. "I see you brought the good stuff! And what's that in your other hand?"

"I thought some flowers for the table might be nice." He handed them over to her and watched as she buried her nose in the bouquet and took a deep breath. Ruben was mesmerized by her.

"These are lovely! I'll just put them in some water. They'll be a nice addition to the dinner table."

Nodding, Ruben looked around, expecting to find Marty pop up from somewhere but his friend was conspicuously absent. "Where's Marty, Clarinda? I would've expected the delicious smells coming from the kitchen to have teased him out of his room long before now."

"I haven't seen him. I'm just putting the finishing touches on dinner, so why don't you go up and get him? He's in the last room at the end of the hall." She turned and headed back into the kitchen, _maybe_ a little aware that Ruben was watching her go, which _might_ have been the reason she put a little _extra_ sway in her hips.

He watched until she disappeared from sight and shook himself. He needed to focus on Marty right now but, damn! He smiled a little and took the stairs to the second floor two at a time. He may have slowed down some but he wasn't old yet, not if his reaction to Clarinda's backside was any indication. He headed to the room and knocked softly on the door. When he didn't get a response, he tried the door knob and found it unlocked. He quietly opened it to find Marty sprawled across the bed fully clothed and sound asleep, Monty by his side. Ruben walked soundlessly up to the side of the bed and looked down at him. The lines around his eyes that had been there earlier, had smoothed away in his sleep. Remembering the look of exhaustion on his face when he'd shown up unexpectedly, Ruben decided to let the man sleep. Moving quietly, he gently removed Marty's boots without waking him. He pulled a blanket off the back of the sofa placed against the wall and carefully laid it over the sleeping form. The only reaction was Marty snuggling deeper into the pillow. Monty watched carefully from his position by Marty's side and thumped his tail a couple times when Ruben patted him on the head as he left the room. The door closed silently behind him.

Downstairs, Clarinda met him at the entrance to the dining room. "Where's Marty?"

"He's dead to the world. I think he needs sleep now more than food. I'm pretty sure he hasn't gotten a good night's sleep in a few days."

"The poor boy. I'll make sure to put up some leftovers in the fridge with a note saying to help himself."

"Thanks Clarinda, I know he'll appreciate that but, from what I just saw, I think he'll sleep through the night." The two of them stood there and stared at each other, neither sure what to do, now that the reason for Ruben coming for dinner was sleeping upstairs and wouldn't be joining them.

Ruben finally said. "I'll understand if you'd rather I just left."

At the same time Clarinda said. "I hope you'll still stay for dinner."

The two of them started to laugh and Ruben nodded. "I'd love to stay for dinner. It smells absolutely amazing!" The two sat at the table and proceeded to thoroughly enjoy their meal. All awkwardness between them melting away as they talked, finding they had many things in common. Upstairs, Marty slept on, but not as soundly. He groaned and mumbled in his sleep, once even gasping as memories of falling out of the sky, of finding Kensi hurt so badly, all tumbled around in his mind. Frowning as her final words to him were replayed. He thrashed a couple times, the blanket winding around him, making him feel trapped, but he never woke. Monty carefully watched from his position on the bed, ready to do whatever needed to be done to help this human he loved more than anything in this world.

~,~,~,~

In Los Angeles, Eric nervously pulled on his jacket. Nell patted him on the arm. "It's going to be fine, Eric. Just let me do the talking, okay?" Eric nodded and watched as Nell rang the bell. It wasn't long before the door opened and Kip Brigham stood in front of them. Eric gulped.

"Can I help you?"

"Mr. Brigham, my name is Nell Jones and this is Eric Beale. We work for NCIS and would like to talk to you."

"Well, I don't want to talk to you. It's late and I've already spoken with Agents Hanna and Callen earlier today. I told them to leave after they fed me a load of lies about someone I care about very much. You can talk to my lawyer instead." Kip started to close the door and Nell put her hand on it to stop him.

"I'm sorry for the way Sam and Callen approached you. They're both used to trying to get information out of suspects or witnesses, not the best friend of someone they care about. They're worried about him, we all are. It was the wrong tack to take and I would like to apologize on their behalf."

"Marty told me about you. He really cares about you. About all of you. That's why I don't understand why they wouldn't just tell me the truth about why you are all looking for him!"

"Could we talk inside Mr. Brigham?" Nell asked.

Kip looked at her consideringly for what felt like hours but, in reality, was just a few moments and then sighed. He opened the door wider and waved them in. "I hope you two tell me the truth or you'll be leaving as quickly as the other two. Sit." Kip motioned them to the couch in the living room. Eric was still staring around the beautiful home and had to be pulled down by Nell.

"Now, I know this has to do with Kensi, so what the hell happened? He was the happiest I've ever seen him and from what I saw, he made her happy as well."

Eric and Nell shared a look. They'd agreed on the way over here to be as honest with Kip as they could without giving away any classified information. Nell started. "Two weeks ago both Kensi and Deeks were in a bad accident, one that wasn't either of their faults. Deeks walked away with minor injuries but Kensi's are much more severe. At this point the doctors aren't sure if she'll ever walk again."

Kip interrupted her. "And you're here to tell me Marty walked out on her? No way! There's no way in hell you'll ever convince me of that!"

"We wouldn't try Mr. Brigham. That's not exactly what happened."

"Not _exactly_? Then what _did_ happen? And does he speak?" Kip pointed at Eric who opened his mouth a couple times but nothing came out.

"Kensi told him some things she didn't mean, trying to save him from a life of having to take care of an invalid."

Kip interrupted again, his arms waving as he emphasized his words. "He wouldn't care about that! He's one of the most loyal men I know."

"We know that! She's already regretting what she said. Look, she's scared and she's having a hard time believing that the paralysis isn't permanent, no matter what hope the doctors hold out to her. She had her whole future planned out with him and this was something she never imagined would happen to her. She thought she was saving him from a life that would eventually leave him with regrets." She paused and added softly. "Such as never having children."

"Well, then, I guess she doesn't know him as well as I thought she did."

"She does, that's the problem! She knows he would never have left her unless she said the unforgivable. Still, he's the one who left without saying goodbye to anyone except you and his mother!"

"Why should he have?" Kip stilled and looked at Nell. "Just what _did_ she say to him?"

Nell swallowed at the look on his face. "She told him she didn't love him anymore and hadn't for a while." She repeated part of what she'd been told and stopped there.

"That wouldn't have sent him running. He still would have stood by her anyway. I know this from experience. My life could have gone in a completely different direction but Marty, he never took no for an answer, even when I told him I hated him and wanted him out of my life. When it seemed like the gang life was the easier way to go he still wouldn't give up. There had to be something else."

Nell sighed and said. "She told him that she blamed him for the accident. That she wouldn't have been there if she hadn't had to babysit the stupid cop." She stopped, not able to continue.

Kip stood up from the couch and started to pace. "I can't believe she did that to him! Nothing she said could have cut him more to the quick."

"She didn't mean it!"

"It doesn't matter! She still said it!" Kip ran his hands through his hair, trying to calm himself. "Look, Marty told me some things about his life growing up. Things that I think he would rather have kept private but that he thought might help me see that I could make anything of my life that I wanted to, if I just tried. His mom is a great woman and I love her, but she's not the strongest. His dad used to beat the hell out of both of them and he'd tell Marty that it was his fault. That if he'd been a better son, a better man, he wouldn't have had to beat him and his mother. That everything that happened to both of them was _his_ fault. Jesus, he was just a little kid!"

Nell went white. "He never let on. He has such a happy outlook on life and comes off as so confident! I never would have guessed."

"Yeah, well, he's good at hiding his insecurities. Kensi must have known some of this to know exactly what to say that would drive him away." Kip sat down heavily. "What do you want with him?"

"We just want him to come home! Kensi wants to make it right with him. She still loves him, always will." She knew this as she'd visited her friend before coming here, as she wasn't willing to face Kip Brigham without knowing exactly what would happen if they were able to locate Deeks and bring him home. She wasn't willing to subject her friend to anymore hurt unless she knew how Kensi felt, even though it had been Hetty who'd requested she try. Kensi had broken down and told her she couldn't face a life without him in it. It wouldn't make up for what she'd done, but Nell thought Deeks should have a chance to make that decision for himself. Something that wouldn't happen if he never returned and faced her. She firmly believed the two of them were meant for each other and no one else would do for either of them.

"So, she feels bad about what she did and I'm supposed to do, what? Break the confidence of a man I consider family, my brother? Even if I know where he went, which I don't, I wouldn't tell you."

He looked directly into Nell's face, trying to convey his rock solid belief in this and started to panic when he saw her chin quiver and her eyes fill with tears. He'd never been able to deal with a crying woman and he frantically looked at Eric to find the other man's eyes just as tear filled. He didn't know what to say. "What do you want from me?" He asked frantically.

Eric finally spoke. "We just want the chance to say goodbye. If he really wants to leave LAPD and NCIS, leave _us_ , we'll respect that, but I really don't think it's what he wants. His whole identity is tied up with helping people, being a cop. If we could just talk to him, tell him how much he means to us and that we want him to come home…I think we could convince him."

Kip was surprised at the conviction in the other man's voice. "And Kensi?"

Nell answered. "She just wants a second chance, to tell him it was all lies and try to make him understand why she did it. She knows he may never forgive her, but are you willing to let this chance slip away? Do you think you won't regret it later? That maybe there was a chance to bring two people who love each other more than any couple I've ever seen, back together and you stood in the way? Do you want to live with that?"

Kip looked at the pretty little red head sitting on his couch, pleading with him. "He told me you were good. He thinks of you like a little sister and raved about how smart and brave you are." He looked at Eric. "Both of you." He sighed and stood up. "I have to think about this." It wasn't a yes, but it wasn't a no either.

Nell and Eric stood up as well and, surprisingly, it was Eric who held out his hand and said. "It's all we can expect of you. I just hope you make the right decision. Please, we can only ask that you don't take too long making it." Kip took the proffered hand and nodded. Eric gave him their contact information with a hopeful look on his face.

The two left and he started to pace, not sure what to do, what the right thing was. He remembered when the two of them had come by to talk to him as a possible suspect in the killing of that reporter. He'd teased Marty by repeating things he knew his friend would be embarrassed to admit he'd told him. He'd known right then and there, even though the two of them hadn't gotten together yet, that they belonged together. He'd felt the energy in the room. He remembered everything Marty had said about her, this woman who had been unexpectedly thrown into contact with his friend. He smiled when he thought about how she'd gone from the pain in the ass new partner to a quasi-friend, progressing to best friend and then something so much more. The happiness that had shown from his eyes when he told him that they'd gone all in just before Christmas, two years ago. The last two years had been the best of Marty's life and he wondered what the rest of it would be like without her. This was not a decision he would be able to make lightly.

~,~,~,~

Ruben entered the B&B once again the next morning. His evening with Clarinda had been one of the best he'd had in a long time and he felt hopeful for his future. His friend's, however, was still in doubt. No one greeted him and he wandered into the empty dining room only to hear a familiar laugh, Clarinda's. He made his way into the kitchen to find Marty sitting at the kitchen table, wolfing down his breakfast with Clarinda hovering over him. He smiled as he watched the food quickly disappear. "What ya eatin' there mijo?'

Deeks looked up and brandished his fork, loaded with food, and replied. "The best huevos rancheros I've ever eaten! You have to try this!"

Ruben had to grin at the happy look on his friend's face. "I know! Clarinda is the best cook for miles around!"

The woman being talked about, blushed. "You two! You're both charmers, aren't you?"

Deeks and Ruben exchanged a conspiratorial look until reality overtook Deeks and he placed the fork back on his plate, his current appetite forgotten. "Don't know about that, ma'am."

Ruben saw the change in demeanor and immediately knew that it was time to switch things up. "What do you say we check out the neighborhood?"

Deeks forced a smile and took one last bite of the formerly delicious food, then stood and said. "Why not?" Turning to Clarinda he asked. "Would you care to join us and show us around your town?" Ruben knew it was a deflection; that he wouldn't be able to grill Marty about what had happened with her with them, something the young man was well aware of.

Clarinda nodded, happy to spent time with two handsome men and pulled the apron off her waist. "Let's take a walk and see what's going on. I'll see to the dishes when I get back."

Deeks offered an arm and Ruben, not to be outdone, offered the other and the three of them left the B&B arm in arm. As they walked, Clarinda pointed out the various landmarks and introduced Deeks to everyone they ran into. She seemed to know everyone, but then it was a small town. They paused when they reached a small basketball court to watch some boys playing a pickup game on one end of it. Deeks wondered why they weren't in school and said so. He was stunned when Ruben told him it was Saturday and school wasn't in session. He'd completely lost track of what day it was. His attention was caught by a smaller boy watching the bigger ones play. He had a wistful look on his face and Deeks was immediately drawn to him. Walking over to stand beside the boy, he continued to watch the action on the court.

"Wish you were out there playing?"

The boy looked up at the stranger in surprise and some trepidation. He looked around and saw Miss. Clarinda, who nodded that it was okay. "Yeah, but I'm too small. They won't let me play."

"Well, I doubt they'd let me play either. You guys have another ball? I'd like to get out there myself and need someone to play against." He looked down at the boy and held out his hand. "I'm Marty by the way."

The boy took it and responded. "Diego. There's another ball over there but I'm not sure the guys will let us play."

"Why not? They're not using the other end of the court."

Diego swallowed and looked at the boys again. "They'll decide they want to use the whole court once they see us using it."

"Well, let's see what happens. Get the other ball and we'll start up our own game." The boy ran over to the opposite side of the court and grabbed the remaining ball. He scurried back to Deeks's side and handed it to him. Deeks bounced it a couple times; it was old and a little flat but he decided it would do. "Let's go." He led the boy onto the court and they started to play. Ruben watched, happy to see his friend having some fun. He was watching the boy chase Marty around the court when the much taller man pulled up at midcourt and launched the ball at the basket. Diego's jaw dropped open when it swished through the net. He looked up at Deeks who shrugged and said. "Lucky shot."

The other boys had seen the shot as well and decided it was time to push these interlopers off their court. The biggest of them sauntered over and said. "You need to leave. We're playing and we want the whole court." Clarinda started towards them but Ruben placed a hand on her arm and smiled down into her questioning face, shaking his head. They turned back to watch the confrontation.

Deeks smiled and said. "You were doing just fine on the other end and we're not taking up much space. I have an idea, why don't we join forces and play one game?"

The boy laughed as the others came up to flank him. "He's too puny and you're too old."

Deeks's smile just got bigger and he said. "Really? Want to put your money where your mouth is?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" The boy said belligerently and thrust his chest out.

"Diego and I take on you and one other guy, first to ten baskets. We win, Diego gets to play. We lose, we'll leave."

The boys all laughed and the leader sneered at him. "Why should we? We can just kick your asses off our court and be done with it."

"You that afraid of one puny boy and one old man?"

All laughter died and the boy in front of him pointed to the next largest. "Jorge, you're on my team. Let's wipe the court with these two."

Deeks nodded and held out his hand. "Marty."

The boy looked at it like it was something dirty and refused to take it but at least gave him a name. "Patricio."

The game started and at first it seemed like the boys were going to win easily but then Deeks upped his game a few notches, shooting basket after basket and stripping the ball from both of the boys with ease. Diego simply followed him around until the score was 9-9. Deeks stripped Jorge of the ball once more and passed it to Diego who looked like he didn't know what to do with it. The other two boys started for him and Deeks played defense, keeping both of them at bay as Diego scurried around the court, dribbling the ball.

"Diego, shoot it!" Clarinda yelled from the sidelines where she and Ruben had watched with fascination, cheering on their team. The boy looked from her to the ball to the basket and finally heaved it up. Everyone stopped to watch the ball make its way towards its target only to fall short.

Patricio picked up the ball and looked at Deeks. The other boys joined them on the court as he said. "You could have just taken the shot and won. Why give the ball to Diego?"

Deeks shrugged. "It's a team game and everyone should get their shot." He placed his hand on Diego's shoulder. "He made a valiant effort and I think, with a little practice, he could be a pretty good player." Diego looked up at him with awe and not a little hero worship. Patricio exchanged looks with the rest of the boys and then held out his hand. Deeks smiled and took it as he asked. "What do you say we call it a tie and start another game with everyone playing? We have an even number and I'll take Diego on my team."

Patricio grinned and nodded. The boys split into two teams, everyone wanting to be on Deeks's. He picked the smallest of the remaining boys and the game was on. Clarinda turned to look at Ruben. "How did you know he didn't need our help? These boys aren't bad, exactly, but they're known to run in a pack and bully the younger kids. What just happened out there?"

Ruben just shrugged and said. "Marty happened."

~,~,~,~

Around 4 AM, Kip stopped his pacing and looked into the pool, feeling exhausted and no closer to a decision. The funny thing was, Marty was the one he normally would've gone to when faced with something like this, something he just didn't know what to do about. He'd spent most of the night pacing around his house, thinking he'd made a decision and then second guessing himself. Finally, he thought about the sound of his friend's voice when he'd called him asking for the truck. The memory of the sad and defeated tone of his voice helped him make his decision. It might cost him a friend, but if there was any possibility that he'd be able to see that happiness come back to his friend's eyes, then he'd be willing to take the chance. He picked up his cell phone and punched in the numbers that the two federal agents had left him.

Eric rolled over and fumbled for the ringing phone on his bedside table. It felt like they'd just gone to bed, looking at the read out on the phone he realized it was true. They'd worked late into the evening until Hetty had finally sent them home a couple hours ago. Nell yawned and sat up, pulling the covers up to her chin. "Who is it?" She was hoping she knew.

Eric looked up and said. "I don't recognize the number. The only person who has this number and isn't in my contact list, is Kip Brigham."

"Well, answer it!"

He fumbled the phone and finally answered. "Eric Beale."

"Yes, Mr. Brigham." Nell tensed, worried that he'd already made his decision and that it was the wrong one. She watched out of the corner of her eye as Eric scrambled in the drawer of the bedside table and pulled out a pen and pad of paper, poised to write down the information.

"Yes, like we said earlier, we only want to talk with him. He's not in any trouble, I promise you!"

"Ok, go ahead."

Writing down what Brigham was telling them, the look on Eric's face told the story. He'd agreed and they had a chance.

"Thank you Kip! I know you won't regret this!" Surprised that Eric had used the man's first name, Nell raised her eyebrows at her partner in crime. Eric finally hung up and brandished the piece of paper.

"We have all the information on what vehicle Deeks was driving! Year, make, model, color and license plate! We're going to find him Nell! We're going to bring him home!"

His smile was infectious and Nell felt a huge grin burst onto her own face. She gave into her foremost urge and kissed that smile right off his face.

Three hours later, in a computer filled room in Los Angeles, a bleary eyed Eric Beale's face lit up. "Nell! I found him crossing the border into Mexico yesterday! Just like we figured!" He looked over at his partner who was smiling from ear to ear. "He's not traveling under his own name but I got the one he's using by hacking into the border guard's computer system." He clicked some keys and the image of Deeks in the borrowed truck appeared on the big screen.

Nell looked at the picture and frowned. "Are you sure that's him?"

"Yes! That's why we didn't find any video of him before, he's hiding his face and was careful to avoid letting the cameras at the border guard station get a full on facial picture. Facial rec wouldn't have picked him up but the license plate matches what Kip gave us. That's him! Meet Richard Higgins."

Nell turned and ran out the door. She raced down the stairs and the two men in the bull pen looked up at her expectantly. Hetty quickly got up from her chair to join them. Nell paused on the landing and said breathlessly. "We found him!"

~,~,~,~


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The pickup game lasted for almost two hours before they finally called it quits. Neither team had been able to get up on the other by more than a few points and Deeks called it while the game was tied. The boys all gathered at center court, surrounding him as he told each one of them what a good game they'd played, making sure to include Diego, shaking each one of their hands. The tired and sweaty boys all looked like they'd had a great time, the older ones missing the sneers they usually showed to those outside their little band. As they wandered off, the boys, which now included the smaller boy, were waving goodbye and throwing out wishes for another game later in the week. To those on the sidelines, it sounded like they were all hoping Deeks would stick around for a while. Clarinda and Ruben weren't the only ones there. As the game had progressed, others walking by stopped to watch and some had stayed. They pretty much knew all the boys playing and were surprised to see them playing together so well. When the game ended, the others melted away, leaving only Deeks's two friends waiting for him.

Deeks grinned at Clarinda and Ruben when he reached their sides. Clarinda gave him a hug and Ruben just shook his head. "What?" He asked.

Clarinda answered. "How did you get them to stop being bullies and play a civilized game?"

Deeks tilted his head a little. "I _was_ them at one time. Not quite a man, not quite a boy, stuck somewhere in between and angry about nothing and everything. Ran with a few kids who were the same and got myself into trouble on more than one occasion. I knew I wasn't a bad kid, figured they might be the same."

Ruben snorted. "Doesn't hurt that you're _still_ a kid."

Deeks feigned shock and hurt. He put his hand over his heart and said. "I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh please! Tell me you don't still have a surfboard, skateboard and snowboard in your closet at home!"

"I'm athletic!"

"Okay, so tell me that you don't still have your comic book collection!"

Channeling his inner Eric, he blurted out. "They're collectibles!"

"You're nothing but an overgrown kid! Like recognizes like. That's why you've always been able to connect with any kids we've ever come across."

"It's a gift. I don't like to talk about it."

The two men looked at each other with great affection and both started to laugh. Clarinda smiled as she watched the two banter, glad to see the younger one happy. Then they both turned and looked at her with grins on their faces, a sparkle in their eyes and her heart swelled. Alone, each one of them could turn a woman's head. Together? They were deadly. She blinked a couple times and smiled back. She took both their arms and headed them back on their walk. They wandered the beach front, stopping for tacos from a vendor when they got hungry. By the time they made it back to the B&B, the morning had fled and the afternoon was quickly following. Clarinda once again invited Ruben to dinner and he accepted, saying he'd be back once he'd made himself presentable and left. Deeks made his way up to his room to grab Monty and take him out to do his business. Once done, he hit the shower and cleaned up. He still had an hour to kill and wondered if the lovely B&B owner would like some help in the kitchen. He really didn't want to stay in his room and think. Looking down at his dog he said. "What do you think Monty? Should we ask Clarinda if she needs any help? Maybe she'll have some scraps for you." The dog woofed and walked over to the bedroom door. Deeks nodded. "I'll take that as a yes."

Clarinda was pleased to see the two of them and did, indeed, have some scraps she'd saved for Monty. While the dog made short work of them, she set Marty to work on shucking some corn as she puttered around the kitchen, putting finishing touches on the Chicken Mole she was planning to serve with the grilled corn. They talked effortlessly, not sticking to any one topic and each found themselves liking the other more as the time passed. When Ruben made his way back, he joined them in the kitchen, sticking his nose into everything, Deeks laughing as Clarinda shooed him away only to find him right back where he'd been once her back was turned. Deeks stopped laughing for a moment and realized the warm feeling invading his body was that of home and family.

~,~,~,~

While Deeks was playing basketball in Mexico, a determined pair of analysts in Los Angeles were still trying to track him down. After the initial excitement of finding him crossing the border, all signs of Richard Higgins had disappeared. There weren't as many traffic cameras south of the border, something the wily ex-detective was well aware of. They were starting to get disheartened again. The one sighting they'd had of him was south of Tijuana, heading further south. Since then, nothing. Callen and Sam had spent more time in the gym sparring than was necessary, each of them trying to work off the excess energy, the instinctive urge to do something, anything, other than wait. Granger and Hetty had had a spat that was reminiscent of the early days of the Assistant Director's tenure. The A.D. had mellowed and those spats had become pretty much a thing of the past as they started to work together for the good of the agency. Everyone knew they were all on edge. With Kensi's future still uncertain and now their friend gone, they were all scrambling to try to put the pieces back together, to make sense of everything.

It had been several hours since the initial hope over Nell's announcement and Callen came back from the gym to open and slam closed the drawers of his desk, not really knowing what he was looking for. Sam had followed and sat heavily in his chair, staring at his partner. "I don't know why you're so upset! Just because the Wonder Twins succeeded where we didn't with Brigham, doesn't mean we did anything wrong! We both agreed that we had no idea how much he knew about Deeks's work with us and how we were going to approach him. We were wrong and, once we realized it, it was too late."

Callen slammed a drawer again. "If we'd just been honest with him from the start, we might have been able to get the information sooner and got to him before he got too far into Mexico. Now, we may never find him!"

"Hindsight is 20/20, Mr. Callen."

Hetty had snuck up behind him and he started. His temper already frayed, he rounded on her. "Stop doing that! Stop sneaking up on all of us! There's no need for it!"

"It's not my intention to 'sneak up on you' Mr. Callen. However, if you aren't aware of your surroundings, you can end up on the wrong side of a dangerous confrontation. It's not my fault you were too busy banging drawers to hear my footsteps."

"Bull! You do it because you enjoy watching us jump! You like the mystique!"

"Mr. Callen!"

Realizing he'd stepped over the line, Callen sighed heavily and sat. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to take my frustration out on you, on either of you. It's just, I feel like we've mishandled this whole thing from the get go."

"Perhaps, but we can only do the best we can, with the information we have at the time. Something I hope you understand Mr. Deeks also did."

"He still should have waited and not gone off half-cocked! At least, not before talking to any of us first! I mean, who does that? Who turns his life upside down like that over a few words?"

"Seriously G? You're the original lone wolf! Don't stand there and tell us that you wouldn't have gone off to deal with something like this on your own, that you would have come to discuss things with us and _ask_ for our help. You know damn well you would have gone to lick your wounds in private! Deeks may play the fool at times, but he's a proud man and a damn good cop! Kensi pretty much emasculated him and he's dealing with it in the only way he knows how!"

"By running?"

A gravelly voice sounded behind them as Granger appeared and joined in the conversation, having obviously been listening for a while. "From what I've been able to see, he certainly hasn't been given much reason over the years to expect you to support him in this. Maybe he doesn't see it as running. Maybe he simply sees it as cutting ties and protecting himself from being hurt any further."

Callen ran his hand over his hair. "I don't know! I can't pretend I will ever understand how that man thinks! I mean, I know he's a good cop and the team improved once he came onboard, but some of the things he comes up with? They confuse the hell out of me. They have since the moment we met him during that first case." His eyes went unfocussed as he remembered that first time in the boatshed when they'd been trying to find out what he knew, sharing as little of what they knew as possible. "It was weird, it was almost like he'd been to the Mission and knew all about Eric and Ops. He described it, and him, almost to a T!"

Hetty smiled, also remembering that first case. "Yes, I remember. He was certainly not intimidated by any of you."

Sam laughed. "Until you came out to say that we were going to work together and he tried the whole "Gotta talk to my boss first" tack. The look on his face when you said "Ruben says Hi" was priceless."

Hetty blinked and then shook her head. "Why didn't I think of him?" She turned and quickly headed for the stairs up to ops

The three men left behind, looked at each in confusion. Knowing Hetty, it was important and they got up to follow her. They caught up to her as she entered the doors to Ops and was already saying. "Miss. Jones, see if you can find the whereabouts of an ex-LAPD Captain by the name of Ruben Hernandez. He retired from LAPD shortly after our Mr. Deeks came to work for us and was Deeks's boss. I'm pretty sure that he moved to Mexico after he retired."

Eric frowned. "I thought Bates was Deeks's boss?"

"He was by the time we met him but Lt. Bates reported to Captain Hernandez. When Mr. Deeks first started undercover, he was partnered with Hernandez until he was promoted to Lieutenant. He moved up rapidly, becoming a Captain within two years but his career stalled there. Bates took over the division after Hernandez's promotion and reported up to him. When I decided that NCIS and LAPD should work the case together, I went over Bates's head, directly to his Captain. It was immediately obvious that the man had great affection for this particular detective, something that eventually led me to investigate their relationship further, later on. At the time, he told me that Mr. Deeks probably wouldn't be happy as he'd become a solitary operative, used to working on his own. He figured the only way I'd get him to cooperate was to tell him Ruben said Hi. He also warned me to take care of his man or I would be very sorry." Eyebrows went up all over Ops. She smiled and said nothing.

Nell and Eric swiveled back to their workstations, eager to work on this new lead. Hetty and Granger left to head back downstairs. Sam and Callen moved to watch over the shoulders of the analysts, causing both of them anxiety. Nell finally turned around and asked. "Don't you two have anything better to do?"

The two looked sheepish and nodded, Sam muttering a "Sorry." under his breath as they turned to leave Ops. The two analysts exchanged looks and sighed, going back to their task. Downstairs, Sam and Callen were relieved to see the Operations Manager and Assistant Director sitting on opposite sides of her desk, drinking what looked like scotch. At least the recent tensions between the two of them seemed to be over with. Not knowing what to do with themselves, by unspoken agreement they moved as a unit towards them, wanting to know if they had any other ideas. When they reached the desk, Hetty pulled out two more glasses and splashed some scotch into them. Done, she silently pushed the glasses towards them. Also silent, the two agents picked them up and slowly sipped them.

Granger sighed as he watched them. Without thinking he said. "It's not going to be the same around here without him. The office already seems…hushed…too quiet."

Sam nodded. "I know Kensi is gone too but we know where she is and there's still hope that she'll be okay and come back. With Deeks…we may never know where he went. You know, I was always telling him to shut up but now I'd give anything to hear him crack some inappropriate joke or come up with some obscure bit of knowledge that I still have no idea how he knew." He took another sip of scotch, staring into the golden depths.

Hetty smiled into her glass. "Yes, Mr. Hanna. I'm not sure if you ever really gave Mr. Deeks credit for his intelligence."

"Maybe at one time, but I changed my mind and I've tried to make up for my mistakes with him."

"I know Mr. Hanna, I'm not saying you haven't, I'm simply saying you still underestimate how _intelligent_ he is."

Sam looked at her in confusion. "Are you trying to say he has a high IQ, Hetty?"

Hetty just sighed and said. "That's not for me to say but I will say that between his intelligence and innate gift for undercover, our ability to track him down is suspect. I am very much concerned that we have seen the last of our Mr. Deeks." There was silence as her words sunk in and each thought of what that meant to them personally and to the office as a whole.

~,~,~,~

Kip stood outside the hospital room door and wondered what he was doing here. He pulled off the baseball cap and sunglasses he'd donned to escape recognition. He'd practiced the things he was going to say to her, the things he was going to ask her, but it was all gone now. He'd been driven out of his home and to his current location by the worry that he'd done the wrong thing. That Marty would never forgive him for betraying his confidence, especially when he found out that he knew what she'd said to him. Marty's presence in his life as his best friend had been a constant for so long. They didn't talk all the time but both knew that one would always be there for the other, no matter what. Had he let him down? Had he really not been there for the man who'd made such a difference in his life? His stomach cramped. Come on, Kip! You're an NBA superstar, you face hostile crowds all the time; you can face one injured woman in a hospital bed! He put a hand up to knock and paused, then swallowed hard and, without giving himself a chance to think, rapped on the door.

"Come in." The voice was unfamiliar. Why hadn't he thought about the fact that she might not be alone? He opened the door to find an older dark haired woman sitting by Kensi's side. He met the eyes of the woman in the bed and hers widened and then closed. She knew why he was here.

Opening her eyes she turned to the woman at her side. "Mom? This is Kip, a friend of….mine. Can you give us a few minutes alone?"

Julia narrowed her eyes at her daughter, she wasn't stupid, she'd picked up on the pause before saying the man standing in the door was _her_ friend and had a feeling she knew exactly _whose_ friend this really was. She felt her protective instincts rise even though she knew her daughter was in the wrong. "Are you sure, sweetie? I don't mind staying."

"Yes, mom. I need to talk to Kip. _Alone_." She stressed.

Julia got up reluctantly and kissed Kensi on the forehead. "I'll be right outside if you need me." She said the last of that looking directly at Kip. Kip nodded, acknowledging the unspoken threat that he'd better not upset Kensi. The woman got up and held out her hand to him. "Julia Feldman, Kensi's mom."

He took the proffered hand and responded politely. "Kip Brigham, ma'am."

She nodded and looked at Kensi one last time before she left the room. The silence was oppressive. Kensi opened her mouth to speak when the words rushed out of Kip's mouth. "How could you do that to him Kensi? You know how much he loves you, you know how words can hurt him! He takes on the blame for so many things, you had to know that would devastate him!" Kensi's eyes filled with tears that, for once in his life, left Kip unmoved. "Your friends assured me that you didn't mean them and just want him to come back. I trusted them and betrayed his confidence. Convince me that I didn't make the biggest mistake of my life and lost the best friend I've ever had!"

Kensi held out her hand but Kip ignored it. "Kip, I'm so sorry for the things I said to him. I didn't mean any of them, I promise you! If he comes back and lets me, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to him!"

Kip sighed and asked again, more quietly. "Why? That's the last time I'm going to ask."

Kensi sighed as well and used the ignored hand to pluck at the blanket over her useless legs. "I don't know what my future holds. I don't know if I'll ever be able to walk again, be a federal agent again. I might need help for the rest of my life and, for one moment, I thought that it didn't sound like something I wanted to condemn the person I love more than anything in this world to, and the words just came out. I regretted them almost the minute he walked out that door but I was so afraid he'd wake up years from now and think he'd wasted his life."

"Kensi, he would never think of helping you as being condemned to anything! He would have been happy just being with you and never think of that time as wasted. Is it just having to depend on someone else that drove you to hurt him so bad? If so, then I don't think you deserve him. You just might not be good enough for him if you think pushing him away the way you did, without thinking of what it would do to him, was the right thing to do."

Kensi turned away, knowing that he was right but wanting desperately for him to understand. If she could make Kip do so, maybe she would have a chance with Deeks when he came back. She refused to think _if_ he came back. Taking a deep breath, she turned back and locked onto his eyes. "I wanted to start a family with him. Now, I'm not sure if I can ever get pregnant and, if I can, what kind of mother will I be able to be? If my child were in danger, I wouldn't be able to get to him or her quickly enough to help them and would be the cause of them getting hurt…or worse. What would that do to us then?" She said quietly. There was more, but that was for her to tell Deeks privately.

Kip shook his head. "Do you really think you're the only one to face those fears? That you're the only one who was ever hurt and ended up in a wheelchair? Many people who can't use their legs go on to have full happy lives and families of their own. I'm sure you could still be an agent, just not out in the field. I'm sorry Kensi, but you're not unique. There are plenty of people and support groups out there who can help you and Marty, but you never once thought about that, you just took the decision into your own hands. I don't know if he'll ever be able to forgive you for that."

Kensi's heart dropped, these were not the words she wanted to hear and her eyes filled again. "I know. I only ask that I be given the chance. If he can't forgive me, I'll have to deal with that for the rest of my life! I'll have to know that, because of my own insecurities, I hurt one of the best men I've ever known, to the point where even he can't get past it. Even if he can't forgive me, I need him to know that I don't blame him for any of this! I need him to not carry that around with him for the rest of his life! If he decides he can't be with me anymore, then I want to wish him a long and happy life, with no regrets. And I need to do that in person. I need him to see I mean it."

These were the words he had been waiting for. He wanted to hear what she wanted for him, not for her or for them as a couple. For the first time he reached out and covered her hand with his. Squeezing he told her that. "That's what I needed to hear. I needed to hear that it wasn't still all about you. That if he can't forgive you, you'll still wish him well. I don't know where he went, but now I can make peace with my decision if your friends find him, even if he can't make peace with it. Thank you for that."

She turned her hand over and took his in hers. "Thank you for being the kind of friend anyone would be proud of. I'm sure it wasn't easy to stand up to Sam and Callen." Nell had given her an earful, not only about how she'd treated Deeks, but also about how the two men had treated Kip.

Kip smiled. "They were the easy ones! It was the scary redhead who did me in!"

Kensi's mouth dropped open. "Nell?!"

He laughed. "She started to cry and then the other one looked like he was going to cry. That was scarier than the two big bad federal agents who showed up on my doorstep." The two of them looked at each other and, for the first time since the accident, she started to laugh. He looked at her for a moment and then joined in.

~,~,~,~

Dinner had been delicious and the conversation enjoyable. Deeks had shared a story about Ruben back in the day and Ruben had reciprocated. The stories got more and more embarrassing as each tried to top the other. Clarinda couldn't remember a time when she'd laughed as much, she was only sorry when it was over. Ruben, however, had other ideas. The two men insisted on helping her clean up, Deeks doing the dishes and Ruben drying. When they were done, he suggested a nightcap. Both agreed and they were currently relaxing in the living room, each with a healthy shot of tequila and Monty lying quietly on Deeks's feet. Ruben smiled, he could get used to this. He looked over at Marty with a smile on his face that quickly disappeared. His friend was staring into the tequila and Ruben knew Marty was miles away, back in L.A. with Kensi. He sighed, he'd hoped it wasn't as bad as he'd first thought as the young man had seemed like his usual fun loving self throughout the whole day. He now regretted suggesting the nightcap as alcohol could make people maudlin. He'd never seen that in Marty, but still, he'd never been this unhappy since he'd been a kid.

"Marty?"

Deeks looked up and blushed, knowing his old friend had caught him drifting, not sure if he'd asked him a question or addressed something to him. He'd had a good day but now, in the quiet, he missed Kensi; he missed their evening routine after dinner. He wanted to curl up next to her on the couch and watch some bad reality television. Something that wouldn't keep either of their attention and allow them to turn it to other, more pleasurable, pursuits. He closed his eyes, not wanting the pain that washed over him to be visible to his two friends, an old one who knew him too well and a new one, who he thought might already know him as well. He decided that it was time to head up to his room and leave the two of them alone. He put the glass down and stood up to stretch. He actually was tired, the basketball game and the sightseeing had taken more out of him than he wanted to admit.

"I hope you guys don't mind if I hit the rack? I'm beat."

Ruben sighed, knowing that he wouldn't have gotten much out of him with Clarinda in the room anyway, so he nodded. Clarinda stood up and gave him a hug. "Sleep well Marty."

Deeks returned it and said. "Thanks and thanks for such a delicious dinner. I'm going to get fat staying here." Clarinda grinned and gave him a light push in the shoulder. Turning to Ruben, he said. "See you tomorrow?"

Ruben had a thought. "Yeah, you sure will! Hey, did you bring your surfboard?"

"Of course."

"Good, how about tomorrow morning, you and me hit the high seas for a few days? I'll fish, you'll surf and we'll spend the night reminiscing and killing a few bottles of tequila!"

"I'd love to but I have Monty to worry about. I know he wouldn't be happy out on the water for more than a few hours." He knew Ruben wanted to get him alone but he wasn't sure if he was ready for that and was glad for his built in excuse.

His thoughts were interrupted by Clarinda and he realized he'd painted himself into a corner when he heard her say. "Marty, I'd be more than happy to watch Monty while you two are gone! It won't be for long and he's a love! You two go and enjoy getting to know each other again."

Deeks opened his mouth, wondering how to decline without hurting her feelings and risked a look at Ruben. The man's left eyebrow was raised, telling him he knew exactly what Deeks was thinking. With a sigh, instead he said. "That's very kind of you Clarinda. I know Monty would like that." He turned to Ruben. "You're on old man!"

~,~,~,~

This time it was Eric who ran down the stairs, hoping to catch everyone before they'd left. Sam and Callen were just packing up and Granger was back in Hetty's office, another round of scotch in front of them. If they weren't careful, that could end up being a bad habit. "We found Ruben Hernandez!" he said and then turned back up to head back into Ops. Once again, everyone trooped up the stairs to find out what the twins had found, none of them willing to get their hopes up again. When they entered, both Nell and Eric were practically quivering with excitement.

Eric was the one who broke the expectant silence. "We had a hard time getting LAPD to give us the address Hernandez's retirement checks go to. Turns out it's a local post office in Mexico but their database has the actual address. It's a boat called My Turn sitting in the El Rosario Marina in El Rosario, Baja California Sur, Mexico."

Granger looked at him with suspicion. "LAPD was willing to give you that much information?"

Eric blushed. "They were reluctant."

"And…did you hack into the LAPD database?"

"No! Of course not, I wouldn't do that." He paused. "I hacked into their retirement payroll database."

All four had to chuckle at the line the analyst had drawn. Hetty pushed her glasses up. "And?"

Nell responded breathlessly. "The marina has security cameras that Eric was able to hack into."

There was no laughter in the room now. Sam, not happy with them drawing out the anticipation, said quickly. "Well?"

The two analysts smiled. "We have Deeks on camera yesterday afternoon, entering the marina and going on board My Turn. He's there! We found him for real! He left again and we have no record of Richard Higgins checking into any hotels in the area but we don't think he left the area."

Granger ground out. "I'm sure he's using a different alias by now."

Sam and Callen turned to look at Hetty, who had a relieved look on her face. She finally said. "Mr. Callen, Mr. Hanna, please head down there first thing in the morning and bring our Mr. Deeks home. Please be gentle but do everything you can to let him know that no is not an acceptable answer."

Nell offered up. "It's about a seven and a half hour ride from Los Angeles to El Rosario."

"I'm sure you can make it in less time Agent Callen, Agent Hanna. Especially if Sam is driving." Granger smiled at them.

The two nodded and raced out of the room, determined to be ready to leave at first light. Hetty turned back to Nell and Eric. "Good work you two!"

~,~,~,~

A/N – Yup, at the end, not the beginning. Thanks to Caroline for wondering how Sam and Callen would react to the Wonder Twins succeeding where they didn't and to ucialum85 for suggesting Kip visit Kensi in the hospital and give her an earful as well as the idea that Kip might think Kensi wasn't good enough for his friend. Oh, and for the description of Sam and Callen as the big bad federal agents!

A/N2 – Thanks to my awesome beta honus47 for patiently waiting and then turning this around so quickly.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N - As always, many, many thanks to honus47 for being my beta and my friend!

A/N2 - Okay, so this has totally gone AU, but hope you still enjoy!

~,~,~,~

Chapter 6

Deeks stood on the dock and watched as the sky lightened. His ribs were still a little sore but not bothering him as much as they could have been and he was looking forward to getting out on the water and getting in some surfing. Being out on the water always calmed him and he did his best thinking there. Lord knew he needed to do some serious thinking. He needed to figure out what he was going to do with his future and he needed to think about what he'd already done. He wasn't as sure that he'd done the right thing, now that he'd had time to put some distance between him and Kensi, as he had been at that moment. He had a feeling he might have made a huge mistake. He sighed as he also knew that he'd be trapped alone with Ruben and the man could be relentless when he wanted something. And what he wanted was to know everything that had happened to send Deeks running to him.

He turned to walk up the ramp with his longboard but found it too awkward. Ruben reached over the side and held his hands out, so he handed it up to him and the older man made a show of huffing and puffing as he pulled it up. Deeks grinned up at him and opened his mouth to say something snarky about his old friend losing a step, when he heard a bark. Turning, he smiled as he watched Clarinda making her way towards them with Monty straining at his leash. When they reached him, he kneeled down and accepted the dog's kisses, rubbing him behind the ears where he knew the dog loved it. He looked up at Clarinda and said. "You're up early. You didn't need to get up to see us off. I hope I didn't wake you?"

She smiled and replied. "No, not at all. I'm up with the sun most days. And I wanted to give you this." He stood up and she handed him the basket he hadn't noticed her carrying. Opening it, he was pleased to see it full of goodies. His stomach rumbled and he heard her laugh. He looked back at her and grinned.

"Thank you Clarinda, this is very kind of you! I have to admit I was really worried that I'd have to get by on Ruben's cooking."

Ruben landed on the dock next to them and punched him in the shoulder. "I'll have you know I'm an excellent cook!"

Deeks rubbed the spot and rolled his eyes at Clarinda. "Yeah, I've been the recipient of some of that cooking. I think I'd rather starve."

"I've improved since I retired."

"Uh huh."

Ruben took the basket and poked his own nose into it. He made a hum of approval as he saw some of his favorite muffins and some cookies tucked into the corner, along with some wrapped items that he hoped would yield something good for dinner. He looked up and caught Clarinda staring at him and he felt like the world stopped and the two of them were the only ones on the dock. She blinked and the moment was gone. He cleared his throat and said. "We should probably get a move on. Is everything you want to take on board Marty?"

Deeks nodded and turned back to Clarinda. "Thank you again for taking care of Monty while I'm gone. I really appreciate it."

She smiled at him and put a hand on Monty's back. "It's no problem. He's great."

Deeks looked down and said. "You hear that Monty? You have a fan. You be good for her, you hear?" The dog woofed and sat down, leaning into her legs. He was used to his person being gone for days at a time and this was a pretty good place for him to hang out while he waited for him to return. The two men headed up the ramp onto the boat, Ruben pulling it up behind them as Deeks moved to untie the ropes holding them to the dock. When he undid the last one, he waved goodbye and Ruben started the engines. He carefully pulled the boat away and pointed it towards the open sea.

Clarinda and Monty stood on the dock and waved them goodbye until they disappeared around the edge of the sheltered bay. She looked down at the dog who looked back up and said. "It's just you and me for a few days boy. What say we go back to the house and get something to eat?" Monty showed his approval of that when he stood up and started back up the dock towards the B&B. She laughed and followed him, feeling a little lonely with the empty berth behind her. Ruben, and now Marty, had filled her life with happiness and she hadn't realized until they were gone, how much she had come to count on that.

~,~,~,~

Sam pulled up in front of Callen's house at first light to find his partner and best friend already waiting. The man threw his duffle into the back and slid into the passenger seat. The two stared at each other for a moment and then Sam turned back to the front to put the car in gear. He pulled away from the house and headed for the U.S./Mexico border. He finally spoke. "We're just two guys heading into Tijuana for a couple days of R&R."

"Yup." Callen paused for a minute. "Are we doing the right thing here Sam? What if he doesn't want to come back? It was his decision to leave. Do we have the right to question that?"

"Yes, we're doing the right thing. He didn't have all the information he needed to make an _informed_ decision. He needs to come back and talk to her. If he still thinks he's done with us, then we know we did everything possible to keep the team together."

Callen mentioned the elephant in the car. "The team may not be together anyway if Kensi doesn't get the use of her legs back."

"She will! I have every confidence that this is only temporary and the whole team will be back, stronger than ever. I refuse to entertain any other outcome."

"That might be a bit optimistic Sam."

"As opposed to?"

"Reality."

"Why _shouldn't_ my version of things be reality? There's no reason why it can't be!" Sam said fiercely.

"Okay, okay, I get it. Let's just get there and try to talk some sense into our AWOL Liaison."

"I'm afraid he might have burned his bridges with LAPD, G. I think it's time for him to take the next logical step."

"Agent?"

"Yeah. Don't you agree?"

"Actually, yes I do. In fact, I think it's past time he did so." Callen looked out the window. "You know, Hetty offered him the paperwork to apply to be an agent years ago, signed, sealed and delivered, just before she went to Prague. He turned her down flat, saying being a cop was more than what he did; it was what he was. She told me about it when I visited her during her recovery. That's what makes him leaving LAPD so shocking."

"She did that?" Sam was stunned. He remembered back then, his feelings about Deeks being a light weight, worried that he'd be a detriment to the team. He'd been surprised when the ex-lawyer turned cop had broken all kinds of laws to follow them as they went after Hetty. He'd shown his mettle more than once but it had taken him being tortured by those crazy Russians, trying to get information on Michelle, and his not giving in, that had finally opened his eyes. He wondered if his attitude would have been different if Deeks had taken that opportunity to become an agent. A small part of him worried that he wouldn't have changed his mind even then. That was something he would never be able to forgive himself for.

There was silence in the car as each man thought about the past and what the future might hold. They passed through the border with no problems and headed towards El Rosario, following the map Eric and Nell had provided them. A little under seven hours later, Sam pulled the Challenger into the marina and both sat and stared at the empty berth where My Turn was supposed to be docked. There were no other boats docked anywhere in sight but Kip's truck was parked in the lot. Callen sighed and looked at Sam. "Looks like we wait."

"There's no reason to think he's out on the boat with Hernandez. He might be somewhere else in town. Let's take a look around."

Sam parked the car beside the truck Deeks was using and they both got out, stretching the kinks out of their backs and legs. By unspoken agreement, they began to walk the waterfront, watching for the messy blonde hair of the man they'd come to find. With no sign of him, they began to walk into town. Sam stopped to watch a pickup basketball game between some kids and remembered all the times the team had played in the gym, Deeks constantly surprising him with his natural athleticism. The boys noticed his attention and stopped playing, watching the big man and his companion warily.

Callen decided it was time to start asking if anyone had seen Deeks and he walked towards the boys. A boy who looked older than the rest, stepped forward, pushing a much smaller one behind him for protection. "What do you two want?"

"I'm hoping that you can help us. We're looking for someone who's supposed to be here." He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his pictures, finding a good one of Deeks. He turned the phone towards the boy and said. "This is him." The boy barely glanced at it before shaking his head.

"Never seen him before. What'd he do that you're looking for him?"

"Nothing, nothing at all. We just wanted to catch up with him. See how he's doing."

"Well, we've never seen that gringo around here so why don't you just move on before we make you?" The boy stuck his chest out, causing Sam to smile.

"We aren't looking for any trouble, just trying to find this man. If you haven't seen him, then we'll move along. Why don't you actually look at the picture this time and tell me again that you haven't seen him." He motioned to Callen to hold out the phone once more.

The smaller boy pushed forward, his curiosity piqued as he tried to see the picture on the phone. Callen tilted it down a little so the boy could see it. He scrunched his face up and asked. "Why do you have a picture of Marty on your phone?"

"Diego!" Snapped the older boy. "Keep your mouth shut!"

Diego blushed and shrank back, realizing he shouldn't have said anything to these strangers. Worried that he might have put the man who'd been so kind to him in some kind of danger. Sam put his hand up and said. "Look, he's not in any trouble! He's a friend of ours and we're worried about him. We just wanted to find him and make sure he's okay. My name's Sam and this is Grisha." He held out his hand to the bigger boy who appeared to be the leader of this little group. He looked at it and then back at Sam, trying to gauge the truth of his words.

Finally making up his mind, he took the hand and shook it. "Patricio."

"Patricio, why did you say you didn't know him?" Callen asked, holding out his own hand. The boy took it as well and shook it hard.

"Marty is our friend too. If you mean him harm, you'll have to deal with us." He puffed up again.

Callen shook his head and looked at Sam. "He's been here what, a day and a half?"

Sam shrugged. "It's Deeks." Turning to Patricio he asked. "Do you know where he is?"

"Yes, he's staying with Miss. Clarinda."

"Miss. Clarinda?" Sam frowned and looked at Callen who looked just as surprised at the information that their missing friend was staying with another woman.

"Yeah, she runs the B&B and he's staying there."

"Ah, okay, well, can you point us in the right direction?"

"Sure, follow this street to the next intersection and take a left. The house is at the end, right on the waterfront."

"Thank you Patricio. We really appreciate it." Sam held his hand out again and the boy took it more readily this time. They turned to walk the direction they'd been pointed in and had gotten a few yards away when the boy called out to him.

"It won't do you any good. He's not there. He and Ruben went out on the boat this morning and it looked like they took enough supplies to be gone for a few days."

"Damn it, so close." Callen muttered.

Sam sighed. "Well, let's go to the B&B anyway, maybe this Miss. Clarinda has some information for us and besides, we have to stay somewhere while we wait. I'm not going to sleep in the car. Hopefully, she'll have a couple rooms we can rent." The two men followed the boy's directions and stopped in front of the pretty little house that had a sign out front marking it as the B&B they were looking for.

"Nice little place, right on the water. Just what Deeks would have sought out." Callen said.

"Yeah, let's see if she has any more rooms." They walked in to find a pretty older woman waiting for them, her arms folded across her chest. Somehow, it felt like she was waiting for them and knew exactly what they wanted. Sam wondered if the boys had called ahead and warned her.

"Gentleman. Can I help you?"

Sam pulled out his best smile and held out his hand. "Yes, we're hoping you might have two rooms available?"

The woman didn't return his smile and looked at his hand like it was going to bite her. "I'm sorry. We're fully booked right now."

The two agents exchanged looks, knowing this was a lie. There were no cars out front and the place had an empty feeling about it. Sam opened his mouth to call her on it when a blur raced past her and ran straight into Sam's legs. He looked down in the laughing face of Deeks's mutt and grinned. He reached down and ruffled the dog's ears. "Monty! Good to see you boy! How ya' doing?"

The dog thumped his tail hard on the floor, wriggling around for all he was worth. For some reason that no one could fathom, the dog had become attached to the big man who had wanted no part of him. He'd wormed his way into Sam's affections, kind of like his owner. He looked up from the dog to see the woman's face had softened. "You know Monty?"

"Yeah, he belongs to a good friend of ours. We're here trying to find him."

Her face closed up again. "Why?"

"He left L.A. somewhat unexpectedly and didn't even say goodbye. We know why he left and we're here to try to talk some sense into him. If we can't, then we at least want to be able to make sure he's okay and say a proper goodbye." Callen responded.

She looked at both of them, still not sure she could trust them and Callen had another thought. He pulled his phone out again and scrolled through the pictures, finally finding the one he wanted. It was a group shot of them in the gym, their arms around each other after a basketball game and showing a big grin on Deeks's face. He held the phone out to her. "Please, he really is our friend and we mean him no harm."

Clarinda looked at the picture and saw a happiness on her new friend's face she hadn't seen once since she'd met him. She looked back at the two men and smiled for the first time. "I guess if Monty vouches for you, I might just have two rooms available if you're still interested. You might have a long wait. He and Ruben headed out on the boat at sunrise and they don't plan on being back for a few days."

Sam shrugged. "Then I guess we'll just have to wait. I'm sure it won't be a hardship in a pretty little place like this, with such a lovely hostess." Clarinda raised an eyebrow, recognizing flattery when she heard it. Sam tilted his head a little and the two of them started to laugh.

"Come on, let's get you checked in." They signed the paperwork and told her they'd be back with their car and belongings. They walked quickly back to where the car was parked and got in.

Before starting the car, Sam looked at Callen. "I'm thinking now would be a good time to check in with the office."

Nodding, Callen pulled his phone out once again and hit speed dial for ops. "Callen? Did you find him? Is he okay? Are you bringing him home?" Eric's voice came stridently over the phone.

"Yes, Eric, we found him but we don't know if he's okay. We haven't had the chance to talk to him yet."

"What? Why not?"

"He's out on the boat with Hernandez. We've been told they left this morning and that they're not expected back for a couple days. We're staying at the same B&B as him so we'll see him as soon as he gets back."

"Oh. Well. That's disappointing. I guess we should have been monitoring the marina more closely, not that we could stop him leaving from here."

"Don't worry about it Eric, we still would have come. Listen, how's Kensi?"

"Hetty just got back from visiting her. No change. Still no feeling or movement in her legs. She's been asking what we're doing to find Deeks."

"Damn. Well, don't get her hopes up yet. Just because we found him, doesn't mean we'll be bringing him back. He can be a stubborn SOB you know."

"Oh yeah, I know. Look, when you see him, please let him know Nell and I miss him, that everyone here misses him. I've had people coming up to me all day asking if it was true that he'd left NCIS. Nell too. They're all so disappointed when we tell them it's true."

"Will do. I'll check in every day to see how things are going back there. You'll be the first to know when we finally get to see Deeks face to face."

"Ok, be safe."

"Always." Callen ended the call and looked at Sam. "Apparently the whole building is waiting for us to bring him back."

Sam hmmphed. "Well, let's not disappoint them." He started the car and headed towards the B&B. He parked and they brought their things in, settling in to wait.

~,~,~,~

Deeks stood on deck and watched the sun begin to set. He was pleasantly tired from surfing all day. Ruben had fished and caught exactly nothing. He was glad Clarinda had laid on some food for them. The Ole Polenta Casserole had been as delicious as the other food she had fed him and had travelled well. Ruben had heated it up in the boat's tiny oven and they had both made a huge dent in it. Now he sipped at his tequila and waited for Ruben, who was in the small kitchen cleaning up after their meal. He'd offered to help but the man had waved him away, saying he knew how everything worked and where it went. Not that there was much in the way of dirty dishes. He heard footsteps behind him and picked up the bottle to pour a goodly amount into another glass for his friend. Turning, he handed it to him.

Ruben grinned his thanks and took a healthy swallow. "Now that hits the spot. Nothing like a nice tequila after a good meal." He reached out and clinked his glass against Deeks's. They grinned at each other and both took another sip.

Deeks said. "It was a good day. I needed that. Nothing like being out on the water to clear a man's head." As soon as he said it, he wished he could call it back. Talk about giving Ruben an opening. He didn't have long to wait as Ruben immediately pounced.

"You want to talk about it?"

Deeks turned his back to Ruben and looked out over the water again. "Not really."

"I know you Marty, you need to talk this out. Tell me what the hell happened! Like I said before, you were so happy the last time I talked to you and then you show up on my doorstep, looking like you lost your best friend."

"I did."

Ruben's mouth dropped open and he gasped. "Kensi? Is she…"

Deeks interrupted him. "No, no. She's still alive but….she was hurt badly in an accident and may never walk again."

"Oh my God." The words sunk in. "Wait, what the hell are you doing here then? Why aren't you back in L.A. with her?"

"She didn't want me."

"What do you mean she didn't want you?"

Deeks knocked back the rest of his tequila, feeling it burn down his throat and explode in his stomach. He really didn't want to go over this again. He'd relived the scene over and over in his head all day while he'd been out on the water and was no closer to determining if he'd made the correct decision nor what to do with the rest of his life. "Do we need to do this now?"

"Now or later, what difference does it make?"

"Fine! I asked her to marry me and she said no. Told me she didn't love me anymore and hadn't for a long time." He replied baldly.

"I find that hard to believe. You're usually pretty perceptive. Did you notice any change in her demeanor towards you?"

"No, but she said she was having a hard time figuring out how to tell me."

"When was the last time she said she loved you?"

Deeks thought about it and then frowned. "Right before we got on the chopper."

"Why would she do that if she didn't love you anymore?"

"I can't pretend to know what she was thinking. I can only tell you what she said to me!"

"But that's not all, is it? I know you Marty, you wouldn't walk away just because she said she didn't love you anymore, so there had to be more than that."

"There was."

Ruben waited and, when nothing more was forthcoming, he prodded. "And…?"

Deeks hugged his arms around his middle. With no inflection in his voice, he replied. "She told me it was my fault she was hurt. My fault that she may never walk again, never do the things she loves. She called me the stupid cop that she'd been stuck babysitting and that she wouldn't have been there if not for me. She wouldn't have been hurt."

There was silence between them as Deeks heard the words float out over the water, bringing the pain again. Behind him, Ruben said quietly. "When are you going to stop letting him ruin your life?"

He stiffened and replied. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't hand me that bull, mijo! There are too many late night stakeouts and too many bottles of tequila between us for you to pull that on me! You know _exactly_ what and _who_ I'm talking about."

Trying to deflect his friend away from this topic of conversation, Deeks asked, still keeping his back turned. "Why do you sometimes call me mijo?"

"What?"

"Why do you call me sonny sometimes? Is it a dig?"

"You really don't know, do you?"

"Know what?"

"Mijo can also mean 'my son'. You're the closest thing to a son I'll ever have." He paused. Trying to lighten the mood a little he added. "At least none that I know of."

Deeks turned around, his mouth slightly open. He searched Ruben's eyes and found only truth and love. His chin quivered a little. "She hurt me, Ruben. No one has hurt me like that for a really long time."

"You let your guard down with her. You fell in love. It's a chance we mere mortals take each time it happens."

"I really thought she loved me back. That I was her whole world, just like she was mine."

Ruben tilted his head. "Are you so sure she doesn't?"

"I told you what she said to me!"

"Yes, and I also know what the man who called himself your father did to you. You were always to blame for everything that happened, it was never _his_ fault that he beat you or your mom. You need to get past that and look at what the situation says."

"What mumbo jumbo are you spouting off about?"

"I'm assuming Kensi knows at least a little bit about your childhood?"

"Probably more than anyone, other than you and Kip."

"So, do you think maybe she might have used that against you if she thought she was sparing you from having to take care of her for the rest of her, and your, life?"

"I thought about that and I said pretty much the same thing. She said I was making it all about me, that I was self-centered and conceited."

"Well, I have to give her credit. She sure knows what buttons to push." Ruben said softly as he shook his head.

"Buttons?" He paused and looked at his friend. "You really think she did this deliberately?"

"I don't know for sure. I don't know her. For all I know, she meant exactly what she said. But, you'll never know, will you? You left and came here."

Deeks sighed. "I did more than that. Much more." He poured himself another shot of tequila.

Ruben looked at him and frowned. "What did you do mijo?"

Looking everywhere but at Ruben, Deeks said. "I quit the force and gave up my place. I thought my team might come looking for me so I crossed the border under an assumed name. I gave a different fake name to Clarinda to book me under." He once again tipped the glass back and swallowed it whole.

"Your team is that good?"

"You have no idea."

Reaching for the bottle where Deeks had left it, Ruben poured himself another glass, not even remembering finishing off the last one. "Well, whatever happens, I'm glad you came to me. I'll support you no matter what you do. You can always find work down here somewhere, stick around El Rosario with me. We could get up to no good whenever we wanted!" He paused again. "But, I think you know in your heart what you need to do. You need to go back and face her. Tell her what her words, her actions, did to you."

"Oh, I think she knows."

"Are you willing to spend the rest of your life wondering about what might have been? Would it be so hard to just go back and find out? Do you want to live the rest of your life with regrets? Trust me, it's not all it's cracked up to be."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You're not the only one to have ever fallen in love and been hurt. I had someone special in my life at one time, long before I met you. I wanted to have a life with her, a family. I asked her to marry me but she said no. She loved me but didn't want me to be a cop. She didn't want to worry that every day I went through the door, it would be the last time she ever saw me. I refused to listen, I refused to try to find some way to work things out. Words were said, nasty words, and I stormed out. A few weeks later, I decided I couldn't live without her and would be willing to work out a compromise, find some common ground, but she was gone. She'd moved back home to Idaho and I never saw her again. I kept track of her for a while until I found out she'd met someone else and married him. The last I heard, she had three kids and a granddaughter. Don't let that happen to you, mijo. Give it one last try, nothing ventured, nothing gained. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. At least you'll know you tried."

Deeks was surprised. He'd never heard about this woman and had never known that his friend had come to close to the whole white picket fence and 2.5 children. He wondered if that was why he was not actively pursuing Clarinda. He raised an eyebrow. "Like you're trying with a certain B&B widow?"

Ruben's mouth dropped open and he sputtered. "Clarinda? We're just friends. I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Yeah, sure you don't. I've seen the way you look at her, like you want to sweep her off her feet and take her to a deserted island somewhere, where you can have her all to yourself."

Ruben did his best impression of a fish out of water, seemingly not being able to come up with a witty comeback. "It's not like that."

Deeks had to laugh. He hadn't wanted to tell Ruben what had happened, but now he was glad he had. He still wasn't sure what he was going to do, but he felt lighter for it. He reached out and took the bottle back from his friend and poured himself another shot. He held up the glass and clinked it against Ruben's. "Here's to no good!" They proceeded to finish off the bottle and more confidences were exchanged, Ruben finally admitting that he had feelings for the widow and Deeks admitting that he might have made a mistake by reacting without thinking. They ended up falling into a maudlin mood until Ruben started to sing. Deeks joined in, the two of them making a surprisingly good duet. Eventually the bottle was empty and both men were gently snoring on the open deck. Something they would both regret in the morning.

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	7. Chapter 7

A/N – thanks to OhBuddy66 for the idea that led to this chapter!

A/N2 – To Kate: You're right, I should know better than to make such a blanket statement. I'll rephrase, most people who have studied U.S. history, will know about the Alamo and its location in Texas.

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Chapter 7

Sam woke to the sound of rain on the roof. He stretched and got out of bed, heading to the window. He twitched the curtain aside to see a driving rain pounding down outside. The water looked rough, waves pounding against the shore. He dropped the curtain, hoping Deeks and Ruben were holed up somewhere and not out there in that. He showered and changed quickly, heading to Callen's room when done. He knocked on the door but got no answer. He opened it and peeked in, finding it empty as he'd expected, the bed slept in and unmade. Closing it, he made his way downstairs. The sound of the rain diminished as he moved to the lower floor. Neither his partner nor Clarinda were anywhere to be seen so he began a search of the first floor, finally finding them in the kitchen, standing at the open back door. As he approached, he saw a gust of wind whip her hair around her face. She absent mindedly pushed it back, her full focus on the scene outside. Callen heard Sam's approach and turned to look at him, the worry plainly etched on his face.

"This storm came up quick and unexpectedly. The weather service says it's going to get worse. High winds and torrential rain."

"I'm sure they're docked somewhere, waiting it out."

Clarinda turned and looked at him. "I'm not so sure. Ruben likes to moor out on the water so he doesn't have to pay fees to the marinas."

Sam frowned. "Surely he'd pay the fees once he heard about the storm?"

"That's just it, this was very sudden. The marine forecast yesterday called for sunny skies, all week. Ruben is very careful, he checks the long range forecast before he heads out, whether it's just for a few hours or overnight. If he knew about the storm, he would have headed back here immediately."

"Does he have a radio onboard?"

"Yes, and we've already tried to raise him. There's no answer." A crack of lightening lit up the sky behind her, followed by a deep boom of thunder. They all turned back to watch the storm, and worry.

~,~,~,~

Deeks woke when he hit the deck. Still somewhat addled by their overindulgence in the tequila last night, he thought he'd rolled out of bed. Then he wondered why he was soaking wet. Opening his eyes, he saw the rain bouncing off the deck in front of him. He sat up quickly and groaned as his head threatened to split open. When the pain subsided, he looked for Ruben, finding him still asleep on the bench across from him. He stood up and took a step, just as a wave struck the boat. He lost his footing and found himself back on the deck. He crawled over to Ruben and shook his friend. Ruben groaned and opened an eye. "Let me sleep." The eye closed again. Deeks shook him harder.

"Ruben, you need to wake up! We're in trouble!"

Without opening his eyes, Ruben mumbled. "What kind of trouble?"

"A storm's hit and it looks like a bad one."

"Don't be silly. Long range forecast was for sunny skies and calm seas all week."

"Ruben! Do you really think the weather service hasn't made a mistake over something like this before? Come on, wake up!"

Ruben rolled over onto his back, finally registering the stinging rain striking his face and instantly sobered. He sat up quickly, ignoring the flare of pain in his head, knowing they would need to act quickly. He stood and almost fell when another wave struck them. He took in the scene and knew Marty was right, they were in deep trouble. "We need to raise the anchor, now!"

Deeks nodded. He'd been around boats enough to know that the anchor that had held them safely in one spot overnight, could now kill them. If the seas got wild enough, it could rip off the front of the boat causing them to sink, or hold them down when a large wave hit them, swamping them instead of allowing them to ride it out. The two men worked their way to the bow where the anchor was attached. They both saw the thick rope loosen and then snap taught as another wave hit them. The waves were starting to come closer together and were getting bigger. Ruben went to the anchor winch to try to start raising it, but the mechanism wouldn't budge. "We're going to have to cut the rope! I've got a switchblade in the kitchen that will work. Don't get too close to it!" He yelled at Marty, trying to be heard over the wind that was now howling around them. He waited until Marty nodded his understanding and then made his way back to the entrance to the living quarters and entered. He was thrown painfully against the lower cabinets when another wave hit. Biting his lip against the new pain in his hip, he opened the drawer where he kept the knife and pulled it out. Closing the drawer again, he carefully made his way back to the deck, heading towards the bow. Marty was waiting for him and held out his hand for the knife.

Ruben shook his head. "I can do it!"

Still holding out his hand, Deeks yelled over the wind. "I need you to keep the boat steady, you know that! You know this boat like the back of your hand, you know how she'll react when the anchor line is cut. Give me the knife and go start the engines! When I hear them start up, I'll cut the line."

Knowing he was right, Ruben handed it to him. "Be careful son!"

Deeks nodded and smiled grimly. Taking one last look at him, Ruben turned to make his way back to the wheelhouse. Back inside, protected once again from the worst of the storm, he quickly made his way to the dashboard and before trying the engines, activated the emergency beacon he'd had installed. It had been expensive but he'd thought it was worth the money. It transmitted a distress call with his registered identification number. If anyone picked it up, it would tell them who was in trouble and where they were. He quickly tried the radio, knowing it most likely wouldn't work with all the electrical current the storm was generating. As expected, he got nothing but static. He then turned the key for the engines, praying that the compartment wasn't flooded and they would start. They turned over but didn't catch. Swallowing hard, he tried again, this time rewarded by the full throaty sound of the twin engines starting up. His relief was short lived as he watched Marty shimmy up to the bow and lean over the edge to begin sawing at the anchor line. The rope was thick and slippery, not something that would cut with one swipe of the knife, no matter how sharp. The rain was making it hard to see through the windshield, but something caught Ruben's eye. A large wave was bearing down on them, higher than the top of the wheelhouse. They needed to get free of the damn anchor before it hit or they'd be swamped. His heart in his throat, he watched it bear down on them, knowing Marty only had moments left before it reached them. Dragging his eyes off it, he saw him make one final sawing motion and then they were free, just as the wave hit. He'd managed to turn the boat and now struggled to keep the bow facing into the wave, allowing them to ride up the face instead of taking it broadside. They came down hard on the other side, hitting the trough with a bang, but they'd made it. He looked back at the bow, expecting to see Marty heading back to him but the bow was empty.

~,~,~,~

Sam paced from one end of the house to the other. They still hadn't heard anything and the storm had increased in intensity, just as predicted. Clarinda was still in the kitchen. She'd finally closed the door when the rain had started to blow into the house, but continued to keep watch at the window. Callen was sitting at the kitchen table behind her, his eyes fixed on the storm outside as well. When Sam's pacing brought him back into that room, the two men's eyes met. They were both worried about their friend and the man he was with. Without turning around, Clarinda said. "Ruben's smart and damn good with that boat. He'll get them back safely. I have to believe that." They both heard the fear in her voice, belying the words. Sam walked up beside her, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. She raised her own hand and covered his with hers. He wondered what the relationship between the B&B owner and Deeks's ex-boss was. Her fear and worry would lead him to believe she had more than friendly feelings for the man. He found himself looking forward to meeting him.

Not able to sit and do nothing anymore, Callen got up and pulled his phone out. Dialing ops, he got Eric on the line, his voice staticky and sounding far away. "Callen? Is Deeks finally there with you?"

"No, Eric. We don't know where he is. Look, there's a big storm down here and Deeks and Ruben are out on the boat in it. We don't know if they're docked somewhere, waiting it out or if they were caught out on the open water. Can you check satellite images? See if you can find them anywhere? We're going crazy with worry."

"Yeah, we're getting some of it here as well. I can try to locate them, but it will take a while. I need the make and size of the boat as well as a satellite overhead. My Turn's registered so it should be easy enough to get the information we need. If they're in the middle of the storm though, we may not be able to find them. The satellites can't penetrate thick cloud cover."

Looking at Clarinda, Callen replied. "Do it as quickly as you can Eric and let us know what you find."

"On it!" Eric paused. "They'll be okay, right?"

"We hope so. Just see what you can find."

"I will." Eric hung up the phone and looked at Nell who'd been listening to Eric's side of the conversation.

"What's wrong?"

"Deeks and Ruben haven't come back from their trip and this storm is hitting the area down there really hard. They have no idea if they're still out in it and Callen wants me to try satellite imagery. See if we can locate them, hopefully tied up somewhere safe."

Nell bit her lip. She hated boats, got seasick even when the boat was docked. Kind of ironic that she'd ended up working for the Navy. "You know they must be worried if they're asking us to do this."

"Yeah."

"Worried about what?" Granger had entered ops just in time to hear Nell's statement, Hetty on his heels. You rarely saw one without the other since the chopper had been shot down, it was like they drew strength from each other. Now down two agents, Callen's team was off the books for any cases that came in. Luckily, it had been a quiet couple of weeks and the other teams were able to handle whatever came up.

Eric cleared his throat. "Callen called, they're worried that Deeks and Ruben got stuck out in open water when this storm hit. He wants us to see if we can find them on satellite. The only one in the area is Russian and I don't have authorization to use it."

"Then hack into it! That's what you do! What are you waiting for?" Granger growled. Nell and Eric turned back to their computers and Eric started to carefully commandeer the satellite, making sure to cover his tracks well, not wanting to create an international incident.

Hetty spoke up. "I'm going to call Agent Borin at CGIS. See if she can get us any assistance."

"She has no authority in Mexico, Henrietta."

"I know that Owen, but I also know she has contacts down there. It wouldn't hurt to have a few friends at the Maritime Search and Rescue looking into their whereabouts."

"No, I don't suppose it would hurt at all. Let's go." The two left ops. When the door closed behind them, Nell and Eric exchanged a look. It was apparent both their Assistant Director and Operations Manager were just as worried as they were if Granger was willing to order them to steal a piece of Russian equipment. They went back to work, determined to locate Deeks, safe and sound.

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Ruben abandoned the wheelhouse and rushed out onto the deck, screaming Marty's name but getting no response. His heart was in his throat. If his friend had gone over the side, he was as good as dead. There was no way he could swim or float long, not if the force of the waves currently pummeling the boat was any indication. Making his way to the bow, he saw the end of the rope still attached to the winch was stretched tight. His hopes rising, he got down on his stomach and edged his way over to the side where the rope disappeared. As he'd hoped to find, Marty was holding the other end. He was alive but being smashed against the side over and over as the smaller waves hit, most of his body submerged. He yelled over the side and watched as the younger man raised his head. Their eyes met and Ruben could see the fear in them. As he watched, Marty slipped a little further down the rope and a wave covered him, leaving him sputtering and coughing up water when he reemerged. Rueben could see he was tiring and wouldn't be able to hold on for long. He needed to get him back onboard before he slipped away.

He rolled over and sat up on his backside, placing himself behind the winch and bracing his feet against it, hoping that it was attached to the boat as strongly as he expected. He pulled his knees up to his chest as he grabbed the rope with both hands and pulled with all his might. Slowly, he was able to extend his legs, moving backwards and pulling the rope with him, ignoring the burning sensation as the skin of his palms were burned when the rope would slip a little. Finally, a hand appeared on the edge and pulling on the rope was easier, as Marty was able to help pull himself aboard. When his upper body was over the edge, his legs still dangling in the water, Ruben abandoned the rope and grabbed him by the seat of his shorts. Between the two of them, they were finally able to get him fully back on the boat.

Deeks rolled onto this back, panting and staring up into the angry sky. He hadn't been able to get out of the way when the wave had struck, barely able to cut the rope in time. He'd had hold of the end still attached to the winch when he'd been swept overboard. He'd been sure this was the end and he found himself regretting that this was the way he would go. He'd always expected to go out in a hail of gunfire, not drowned because they'd been stupid enough to get drunk and caught out on open water when the storm hit. He rolled onto his side when he heard Ruben's voice.

"I thought I'd lost you mijo!" The fear in his voice was evident.

"I thought you'd lost me too." He responded quietly. "Thanks for the save!" Deeks put everything he felt into the words.

Ruben looked up at the sky and rolled onto his knees, pushing himself upright. "We're not out of this yet. I need to get back to the wheelhouse. We're going to need to ride this out. There's no way we get to land and safety until this has either blown itself out or we steer clear of it. I have no idea how big this storm system is."

"What can I do to help?"

"Keep an eye on the sea. I won't be able to see as well from inside. I need you on the outside to warn me and guide me so that I can steer the bow into any oncoming waves."

Deeks nodded. "Let's do this!" Ruben helped him up just as another wave caught them broadside. Not as big as the one that had washed Deeks overboard, it was still dangerous as both men got knocked off their feet and washed from one side of the boat to the other, thankfully catching themselves on the opposite wale and not on the open area of the bow. They managed to get upright once more and together, they finally made it to the wheelhouse where Deeks took up station just outside, holding onto the outside wall for dear life, calling out directions as wave after wave seemed determined to smash the insignificant boat into small pieces for daring to float on its surface.

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"I'm picking up an emergency beacon broadcasting an identification code that's registered to the My Turn! Oh my God!" Eric's voice held panic.

Nell rushed to his side, looking over his shoulder at what was displayed on his screen. "Put it up on the big screen Eric. I'll go get Hetty and Granger." Eric entered the command as she rushed out of the room. Downstairs, Hetty was on the phone and Granger sat silently on the other side of her desk, listening to her side of the conversation.

"Thank you Agent Borin. That's all we can ask. Please tell your friends at Maritime Search and Rescue that we appreciate their assistance. Let us know the moment you find out anything, anything at all." She hung up and looked up the stairs as Nell hurried down them.

"Hetty! Granger! Eric found them…sort of…they're…" Nell paused, trying to find the words. "They're caught in the storm but it looks like they're still afloat! He was able to pick up the My Turn's emergency beacon. Someone had to activate it so we're hoping they're still okay."

Getting up, both followed her back up to ops. The sight on the big screen causing Hetty to suck in her breath. The blip that indicated the emergency beacon was almost dead center in the middle of the storm. They watched as it continued to move but they couldn't get an actual picture of the boat through the cloud cover. "Can you tell how long it will take them to get to the edge of the storm or how much longer this is going to continue Mr. Beale?"

"They're heading deeper into it, not away Hetty! We have no idea if the boat is even still intact, we could just be picking up the beacon, I can't get anything clearer through this cloud cover." The frustration and worry coming through loud and clear. "And the weather service is predicting this storm could go on for hours still!"

Granger nodded as he watched. "They don't have a choice Beale. The only thing they can do is try to ride it out while not getting capsized. Hernandez apparently knows what he'd doing. We can only hope it's enough." They stood and watched, feeling helpless.

Turning to Eric, Hetty said. "Get Mr. Callen on the phone, please Mr. Beale. He'll want an update."

"Do you think we should just wait until we see what happens?"

"Now, Mr. Beale."

Eric nodded and dialed Callen's cell phone. The man answered on the first ring.

"Tell me something good, Eric!"

"I really wish I could Callen. We found them and it's as bad as we feared. They're out on open water, right in the middle of the storm!"

"Is there anything we can do?"

"No, according to Granger and Hetty, they just need to ride it out and hope not to sink!"

"Damn it!" Callen's words alerted the two people in the room with him that he wasn't getting good news. "Okay Eric, just let us know if anything changes." He hung up and looked at Sam and then to Clarinda. He walked up to her and put his hands on her shoulders. "My team found them but it's not good news. They're in the middle of the storm, trying to ride it out." Clarinda's eyes filled with tears as her hand went up to cover her mouth as if trying to keep the cries inside. "Hey, don't count them out just yet! If Ruben is as good with that boat as you claimed, they have a good chance of making it out the other side!"

She nodded at his words, taking a deep breath. "Thank you Mr. Callen."

"Grisha."

She smiled a little. "Thank you Grisha."

Callen returned the smile and then turned to lock eyes with Sam. While he had tried to calm the woman, the direness of the situation was obvious. They may have come all this way just to never see him again.

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Ruben had been battling the wheel for almost three hours and he was tiring. His arms were trembling and he was starting to worry about their fuel situation. He'd filled up before they left but the engines had been going full bore for longer than he was comfortable with. He hadn't switched to the auxiliary fuel tank yet, but even if he did, it was only a few gallons. Its purpose was to allow them to get into port if they ran out of fuel in the main tank, not fight gale force winds and high waves. The engines were using up more than normal as they were working so hard. If they ran out of gas, he would still be able to steer but would no longer have the engines forcing the boat to go where they needed it to. He was concentrating so hard, he almost missed Deeks shout that the waves were diminishing. He wiped the sweat out of his eyes and peered through the wet windshield. He realized he wasn't fighting as hard as he had been. Were they really going to get out of this in one piece?

Deeks stayed at his post, shivering as the wind drove into his soaking wet body. When he noticed that the waves weren't as high, he shouted the good news to Ruben who didn't react right away. When it appeared that the news had finally registered, the man's body seemed to relax a little. He knew Ruben must be exhausted and he was worried about him. He wasn't all that young anymore, no matter how much he postured. He turned back to his duty and saw something that made his heart jump. The sky was lighter ahead of them. It looked like they were coming close to the edge and they were going to make it. Just then, the engines sputtered and died. What the hell now?

Ruben heard the engines die but he'd also seen the lightening of the sky ahead of them. He was fairly confident that they would make it out before their backup fuel was also depleted. He flipped the switch to change tanks and turned the engine key again. The engines sputtered but refused to catch. He shook his head, could anything else go wrong? He took a deep breath and tried again. Again, they refused to catch but he refused to give up. He turned the key a third time and held it on. The engines sputtered and finally caught. He breathed a sigh of relief and pushed the throttle forward gently. The boat moved forward again instead of wallowing and he steered towards the lighter patch of sky. Fifteen minutes later they emerged from the storm, tired and sore but alive.

The two men grinned at each other and Deeks asked. "Okay, so where are we?"

Ruben turned to the instrument panel and checked his GPS. Crap. They were low on fuel and much too far from land to make it on what they had. He tried the radio again and still got nothing but static. He said quietly. "We're about ten miles off shore and we have enough gas to get about half way back. The radio isn't working but the emergency beacon is still broadcasting. Someone should pick it up."

Deeks sighed. "Well, at least we're out of the storm." He moved into the wheelhouse and clapped Ruben on the shoulder. "You saved our lives today old man."

"Who are you calling old?"

"I call 'em like I see 'em!"

"I'll have you know I have the body of a 35 year old!"

"A 35 year old what?"

The two stared at each other and a grin started to work its way onto Deeks's face. He started to laugh and Ruben joined in, both of them feeling giddy with relief that they'd survived the storm. They weren't completely out of the woods yet but they'd made it through the worst of it. Deeks stomach chose that moment to grumble its displeasure at the lack of food so far that day and both started to laugh again.

"Think Clarinda's basket made it through okay?"

"I think we need to find out! Why don't you go check? I don't want to leave the wheel just yet." The water was still choppy and the last thing they needed was to drift back into the storm.

"Done." Deeks turned and made his way back to the small kitchen and pulled out the basket. He rummaged around and found two wrapped packages that looked like subs. He opened one and smiled at the Grilled Chicken Mole sandwich Clarinda had packed for them. He grabbed both, opened the small refrigerator and pulled out two bottles of water. He made his way back up to the wheelhouse and handed one of each to Ruben. The man smiled his thanks and they quickly devoured their meals, neither talking much. Once done, Ruben turned his attention back to getting them to land.

"We need to conserve as much fuel as possible so I'm not going to push the engines. We may have to moor overnight as we'll have to maneuver around the storm. Hopefully someone will pick up our beacon and come out to find us."

Deeks was looking out at the horizon and saw something heading their way. "You mean someone like that?" He pointed in the direction of the boat heading their way. It was still too far away to see who it was. "Um, Ruben?"

"Yeah."

"Do pirates bother boats in this area?"

"What?"

"Pirates. You know, the guys who come up on unsuspecting boats and force the owners to abandon ship so they can take it?"

"I know what pirates are! And yes, it has been known to happen out here. We're basically in international waters."

The two men watched the boat approaching, Ruben pulling out a pair of binoculars to see if he could identify anything that would indicate whether it was friend or foe. When he was finally able to see the flag it was flying, he let out a sigh of relief. "We're good. It's a cutter from the Maritime Search and Rescue. Mexico's version of the U.S. Coast Guard. They must have picked up our beacon."

Deeks relaxed and watched as the boat got closer. When it was within hailing range, a man on the deck called out. "Everyone okay?"

Ruben shouted back. "Yeah we're good but we're pretty much out of gas. We'll need help getting back to El Rosario."

Deeks looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "We cutting short our trip?"

"Mijo, I want to get back home and have a very important conversation with a certain B&B owner. While we were in the middle of that storm, not knowing if we were going to make it, I decided life is too short to pussyfoot around. I'm going to take my chances and tell her how I feel. If she feels the same way, great. If not, well, at least I'll know. I think you need to have a similar conversation back in L.A."

"Yeah, I think you're right."

They were interrupted when the man from Search and Rescue yelled over again. "Which one of you is Marty Deeks?" Surprised that the man knew his name, Deeks hesitantly raised his hand. "You have some worried friends back in El Rosario and up in L.A. Mr. Deeks. We had a request directly from your CGIS to be on the watch for you."

Ruben looked at Deeks. "Your team?"

Deeks smiled. "Probably."

"You did say they were good!"

"I did, didn't I?"

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	8. Chapter 8

A/N – Sorry for the long delay on this chapter! Work has been a bear and I ended up having to work all last weekend, the time when I usually write. Thanks for bearing with me! Oh, and I haven't given up on Artie & Greg, it was just too hard to keep up with both at the same time. Remind me never to have two going at the same time again!

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Chapter 8

Los Angeles

Kensi plucked at the blanket covering her without even noticing that she did so, as she stared out the window in her room. There wasn't much to see as the rain was coming down in sheets, the main force of the slow moving storm system having finally made it up the coast to Los Angeles about three hours ago. She mindlessly watched the patterns the water made as it hit the glass and slid down, following the minor imperfections in the glass. She felt restless and worried, having heard nothing from Sam or Callen since they'd left to find Deeks early yesterday morning. Hetty had been by the day before, to fill her in on his being sighted crossing the border into Mexico and that they had a good notion of where he was heading. She'd also informed her that Sam and Callen had headed down there to find him. She'd expected to hear something by now. She wondered if he'd refused to come back and they didn't want to tell her yet, the thought depressing her even more. Somehow, some way, she needed to tell him the truth. She needed him to hear it directly from her, to be able to apologize for hurting him so badly.

Plucking at the blanket some more, her thoughts turned inward. When had she become this person who couldn't stand to be helped by those who cared for her? Was it years of working in a predominantly male profession where she always had to prove to herself that she was as good as, if not better than, the men she worked with? She thought back over the things that had happened in her life that had caused her to erect a wall around her heart. A wall that Deeks had patiently knocked down, brick by brick, worming his way in through the holes he'd created. She really thought she'd moved past that stubborn woman who wanted to prove she could do everything for herself; with no help from anyone else, worried that anyone she got to close to would just leave her, like her dad, Jack, Dom, even Renko had done. She sighed heavily, she'd become a stupid self-fulfilling prophecy. Of course he'd left her, she'd driven him away. She had no one to blame but herself. She'd made sure his name was added to that list. She knew Deeks would never leave her on his own and she'd been so sure it was for his own good. Now she realized it had just been selfishness on her part. It had all been about what _**she**_ wanted, what _**she**_ thought. She'd never given him a chance, never thought about what he might have wanted. She wondered what the hell was wrong with her that she could hurt him like that. Was she destined to spend the rest of her life alone? Why had she sabotaged the best thing that had ever happened to her? If their roles had been reversed, she would never have left his side and he would never have tried to force her to do so.

She closed her eyes but, unbidden, his face when she'd turned down his proposal was what she saw. Her chin trembled as she fought back the tears. She sent up a silent prayer that he would give her at least a chance to explain herself, bargaining that she would do everything in her power to be a better partner, a better friend, a better person if anyone listening would just send him home, back to her.

~,~,~,~

El Rosario

Ruben pulled the My Turn into the marina and Deeks made quick work of securing her to the dock. Ruben pushed the gangway down and both men grabbed their gear before they quickly made their way off, happy to be almost on dry land. They had barely hit the boards when they heard rapidly approaching footsteps. Turning together, Ruben almost went down when Clarinda wrapped herself around him. She was laughing and crying at the same time. Dropping his duffle bag, he put his arms around her and hugged her close. When she finally pushed herself back from him, he was reluctant to let her go. He looked down into her eyes and was about to say something when she put her hands on either side of his head and pulled it down to kiss him. He lost himself in the kiss until she finally pulled back, both of them breathless.

"I was so afraid I'd lost you!" Clarinda looked like she was going to cry again.

"Hey, hey, I'm fine! I'm here and so glad to see you sweetheart!" He pulled her in close again and whispered in her ear. "Clarinda I…I love you. I don't know if you feel the same, but I needed you to know." He spoke quickly before his courage deserted him.

She snuggled in closer to him and whispered back. "I love you too Ruben. I never thought I would find love again but here you are!"

Deeks had put his own bag down when Clarinda had appeared and walked away from them, giving them some privacy but watched from a short distance, with a smile on his face as he was pretty sure his good friend had finally found happiness. She finally turned away from Ruben and walked up to him, pulling him into a hug. "I'm so glad to see you back safe and sound!"

Deeks laughed as he hugged her back. "Yeah, me too!"

She smiled up at him and then looked over his shoulder. "There are some people here who would like to talk to you." Deeks frowned and turned around, stunned to see Sam and Callen standing at the top of the dock. He hugged Clarinda one more time and began to move towards his two ex-teammates. He wasn't sure how he felt about them being here. On one hand, it seemed to indicate that they cared he'd gone and wanted to see him. On the other, it could also mean they were here to read him the riot act, maybe dress him down for leaving Kensi. He had no idea what she'd told them or what they were thinking. The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. He was a grown man and didn't need their permission to do whatever the hell _**he**_ wanted with _**his**_ life.

He reached them and folded his arms across his chest just as Sam started to take a step forward. "What are you two doing here?"

Sam stopped in confusion. He'd had every intention of hugging their missing friend, relief that he was alive uppermost in his mind. Deeks's reaction to their presence was not at all what he'd expected. Callen, on the other hand, had been there, done that. More than once he'd taken off to deal with something on his own, only to find Sam right there with him, whether he wanted it or not. Sometimes it had pissed him off but, in all cases, in the end he was happy his friend had cared enough to try. Deeks just wasn't as used to it as he was.

"We came down here to find you…" Sam started.

Deeks interrupted. "Why? I made my decision. Why couldn't you just let it go?"

Sam felt himself getting angry. "You ran Deeks. You ran without thinking about anyone else."

"Think about anyone else? What the hell man? I don't have to answer to you or anyone else! My actions are mine and mine alone!"

Callen put a hand on Sam's arm. "We realize that Deeks. What Sam meant to say was, you leaving left a big hole in the team."

Deeks interrupted again. "Yeah, the team. The only thing you guys worry about."

Sam tried again. "It's not that at all!"

"Then what is it?"

"We missed you! _**I**_ missed you! Not our Liaison, _**you**_!" Sam blurted out.

Deeks jaw dropped open. "I thought you'd be happy I was gone." He mumbled.

"Why would you think that?"

"You're always telling me to shut up! Making jokes at my expense, telling me to disappear. Why wouldn't I think you'd be glad to see me go?"

Sam looked at him and sighed. "Yeah, I know. But I thought you knew they were just that, jokes. I never wanted you to go! I told you once before, I think you're a great cop and would make a great agent. All that aside, I also want you to know that, whatever you decide, you have my support. I think it would be a mistake to walk away from what you have in L.A., but if it's really what you want, then I won't try to dissuade you. I, _**we**_ , just wanted to have the chance to talk to you and to say a proper goodbye, if that's what you decide."

Deeks turned away. "I have nothing in L.A."

Callen moved around him to force him to face him. "Look, Deeks. We know what happened. Kensi confessed it all. She told us that she said what she did to save you from being stuck taking care of her for the rest of her life. She's sorry that she said what she did, they were all lies and she wants you to come home so she can tell you that herself. She also knows that you may never be able to forgive her and that she'll understand if you can't. She just wants a chance to set things right."

Deeks laughed bitterly. "Set things right?" Changing the subject he asked. "How did you find me?"

"Don't be angry with him, but Kip told us you took his truck and the Wonder Twins found you crossing into Mexico. Hetty remembered your old boss had retired down here and so, here we are." Callen replied.

Deeks was stunned that Kip had given him up so quickly. "What did you say or do to Kip to get him to tell you this? He promised he would keep it a secret! You didn't threaten him, did you?"

Callen and Sam exchanged looks. Sam decided to answer and opted for some levity. "We unleashed our secret weapon on him."

Confused, Deeks asked. "Secret weapon? What secret weapon?"

"A tiny redhead who told him the truth and then threatened to cry."

Deeks had to smile. "Kip never could deal with a crying woman."

"From what we understand, Eric might have teared up as well."

Encouraged by his smile, Sam put his hand on Deeks's shoulder, hoping he wouldn't shrug it off. "Look, Deeks, neither of us condones what Kensi did, but you have to see it from her side. She's hurt and has no idea what the future holds for her. You know how she hates to have anyone have to help her, hates being seen as weak or needy. I know she hurt you, hurt you badly, but she did what she thought was for the best at the time. Something she immediately regretted. She wasn't thinking clearly. She told us some of her reasons and I understand what she was thinking, even if I don't agree with it. Can you at least come home and let her tell you in person?"

"I'm not sure. I have to think about it." He replied, conveniently forgetting what he'd told Ruben. That he'd already made up his mind out there in the storm; that he needed to talk to Kensi one more time.

"That's all we can ask." Sam took a chance and pulled Deeks into a hug, trying to convey without words how happy he was to see him alive.

Deeks struggled after a minute, finally gasping out that he couldn't breathe. Sam let him go and the three of them stood there quietly for a moment, until Callen started to laugh. Sam joined in and after a few seconds, so did he. It felt good to be alive and, if he was honest, Callen's words had given him hope. He still wasn't sure that he could forgive Kensi for using the things he'd told her about his childhood against him, but he wouldn't close that door again, not just yet.

~,~,~,~

Los Angeles

Hetty, Granger, Nell and Eric stood around Hetty's desk, each holding a glass with a healthy amount of scotch in it. For hours, they'd watched the satellite image as the blinking dot had steadily moved through the storm. It had almost made it out when it had stopped, causing much anxiety in ops until it started to move again. When it finally emerged from under the cloud coverage and they could see the actual boat was still intact, they'd all cheered. When they saw the other boat approaching, they had the same reaction as Deeks until they were able to confirm that the boat wasn't a threat, but a rescue. The cutter had notified CGIS Agent Borin that the boat and its passengers were safe and sound. Information that she had relayed to Hetty immediately. Hetty had readily agreed to send a case of scotch to the cutter crew who had found them and a bottle of good malt whiskey to Borin herself.

Hetty held up her glass and said. "To the rescue of Mr. Deeks and Mr. Hernandez!" Everyone clinked glasses and took a sip.

Nell hesitantly brought up something that had been worrying at her. "Do we tell Kensi what happened?"

Hetty shook her head. "I don't think that would be wise, Miss. Jones. The situation remedied itself, there's no need for her to know Mr. Deeks almost lost his life today. I believe it would just make her feel more guilty, thinking he wouldn't have been there if not for her actions. We need her to keep focused on getting well." Nell nodded as she took another sip of the scotch, needing the warmth that spread through her. She'd been cold since they'd realized the danger Deeks and his friend were in and she hadn't been able to get warm even after they knew the two were safe. She worried away at the thought that Deeks had almost died without her being able to tell him how much she cared about him and how much she wanted him to come back. There was a part of her that wanted to head down to Mexico to join Callen and Sam in trying to talk him into coming home.

Making a decision, she put the almost empty glass on Hetty's desk and faked a huge yawn. "I didn't realize how tired I was. Do you mind if I head home Hetty?"

"Of course not my dear! You and Mr. Beale worked more than your fair share of hours over the last two days. Why don't you both go home and we'll see you tomorrow?"

"Thanks Hetty." She turned to head up to ops to gather her things, Eric on her heels. Once out of earshot, she turned to him and said. "I'm going to call Sam and ask to speak to Deeks."

Eric squeaked out. "What? Why?"

"I want him to know how important he is to us, to everyone here! I wonder if he knows how many people were asking for him, how many were disappointed that he'd given his notice. I doubt the boys would think to tell him that. I want him to know that he's just as important to us as anyone else, including Kensi."

"You think he doesn't already know that?"

"I wonder. If he knew, do you really think that he would have left without a word beyond a half assed goodbye over a bank video? Things Kip told us have made me think that maybe he wouldn't expect that we care for him, that we'd miss him. And what would it hurt?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right! I'd like to talk to him myself."

"Good! Let's head home."

"After you m'lady!" They packed up their gear and headed out of the Mission.

~,~,~,~

El Rosario

Clarinda and Ruben joined Deeks, Sam and Callen after allowing the three time to have some privacy to talk. Introductions were made all around as Ruben sized up Sam. He knew the big man had been dismissive of Marty when he'd first started working with him. Late night calls when his friend needed to vent about the way he was treated, about things that had been said to him, coming to mind. He also knew that their relationship had gotten better but he wasn't sure if he was ready to forgive and forget just yet. Sam seemed to sense his wariness and made a point to shake his hand as he said. "Thank you for bringing him home safe Captain Hernandez. We were really worried that we'd lost him."

"Really?" Releasing Sam's hand, Ruben folded his arms across his chest.

Sam blinked at his stance, wondering why the man seemed even less pleased to see them than Deeks had. "Yes, he's very important to both of us, both as a colleague and as a friend."

Ruben hmmphed and tilted his head.

"Ruben." Deeks said. "Behave." Ruben stared at Sam for a moment longer, gauging his honesty and finally decided that big man was sincere. He smiled a little and saw what looked like relief flash over the other man's face. Maybe they really did care about Deeks. Still, he'd keep an eye on these two until he was completely satisfied. He opened his mouth to say something snarky when someone's cell phone rang. He realized it was Sam's when the man pulled his phone out of his pocket.

Looking up from the caller id, Sam said. "It's Nell."

Callen raised his eyebrows and said. "Well? Answer it!"

Sam grinned at him and answered the phone. "Hanna."

"Sam? Is he there? Is he okay?"

"Yes, Nell, he's fine. He's standing right here."

"Put him on."

Sam held the phone out to Deeks. "Nell wants to talk to you."

Deeks swallowed hard, knowing she wouldn't be happy that he'd left without saying goodbye to her. He took the phone from Sam and looked at it like it might bite. Sam chuckled. "Do it. Waiting will only make it worse. Think of it like ripping off a band aid."

"Ha ha." He gingerly put the phone up to his ear. "Uh, hey Nell." There was silence. "Nellasauros?" He wasn't sure, but he swore he heard her crying, making him feel like a heel. "Velma?"

"I am so mad at you Shaggy!" Her voice was shaky.

"Um, sorry?"

"You should be! What were you thinking?"

"Um, I wasn't?"

"Obviously!" Having gotten some of it out of her system, she continued in a calmer voice. "How could you just leave us without even saying goodbye?"

"I really am sorry Nell."

Her sigh came over the phone loud and clear. "I know. When are you coming back? Everyone misses you!"

"Nell, I just don't know."

"You can't hide out down there forever! You need to come home and work this out with Kensi."

"Nell…"

"Marty…"

Deeks took the phone away from his ear and stared at it in shock. No one at NCIS ever called him by his first name. He put the phone back to his ear, hearing the tail end of her saying again that everyone missed him and wanted him to come home.

"…and if either Eric or I have to answer another question from someone here who wants to know why you left and if you really aren't coming back, one of us is going to use our service weapon!"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that pretty much everyone who works here thinks we know everything and has come up to one or both of us at some point or another the last few days to ask if it was true you left, asking why and telling us how much they were going to miss you. Like we weren't!"

"Really?"

"Yes!" She sighed. "Shaggy, you are more important to us than you realize. Things just aren't the same around here without you and…and…and…we almost lost you today!" Her last words were strangled and he thought she was crying again.

"Hey, I'm fine! Ruben took good care of me!"

She sniffed and said. "I know, we watched using a Russian satellite Eric hacked into."

Deeks blanched. "Oh man, don't let Granger or Hetty know that! He could get into some serious trouble for that!"

"They already know! Granger was the one who authorized it."

"Granger did?" His voice came out squeakier than he was happy with.

"Deeks, I just finished telling you that everyone here misses you! That includes Granger and Hetty. Now please, come home with Sam and Callen!"

"I'll think about it Nell."

"Well, I guess that's the best I can ask for right now. But you know I can be persistent and I won't give up until you're back here where you belong! You can run but you can't hide from us!"

Deeks had to smile. "I'm well aware of the power of the Wonder Twins. I don't know why I'm surprised you guys managed to find me so fast."

"It wasn't easy, let me tell you! I had to use tears on Kip to get him to crack."

"So I heard."

There was silence on the other end and then she asked in a soft voice. "They told you?"

"Yes, Nell, they told me they unleashed their secret weapon on my best friend."

"Secret weapon? Hmm, I think I like the sound of that!"

"I'm sure you do. Listen, I'll think about it, okay?"

"Okay. Hey, Eric wants to talk to you. I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah."

"You promise?"

Softly he replied. "Yes Nell, I promise."

"Okay. Here's Eric."

She handed the phone over. "Deeks?"

"Yeah buddy, how you doing?"

"You'd know if you were here!"

Deeks sighed, these two were really laying it on thick. Changing the subject he asked. "You really hacked into a Russian satellite?"

"Yeah and they had no idea!"

"Cool!"

"Yeah, it really was! We recorded the whole thing. I'll show it to you when you get home, it was really scary watching that tiny little blip in the middle of that storm!"

"Yeah, I know."

"Oh, yeah, sorry." Eric paused. "I'm really glad you're okay man."

"Thanks, me too."

"So, when are you guys leaving?"

"Eric."

"Don't Eric me, you know this is where you need to be!"

"Like I told Nell, I'll think about it."

"What's to think about?"

"Eric!"

"Okay, okay! Look, it's just that we really miss you!"

"So I've been told, over and over."

"Well, if you'd listen, then we wouldn't have to say it over and over!"

Deeks started to laugh, knowing he wasn't going to get anywhere. Eric could be as stubborn as him. "Listen, I've got to go. I really need a shower and clean clothes. Not to mention a really, really big meal."

"Okay. We'll talk later."

"Later."

He hung up and handed the phone back to Sam, who stuck it back in his pocket and just looked at him. Deeks sighed. "I'll say it again, I'll think about it! Now, I wasn't lying to Eric. I stink and I'm starving!"

Clarinda put a hand on his arm and he looked down at her. She beamed up at him and said. "Let's go home and I'll make you anything you want." She looked over at Ruben. "Anything either of you want."

He smiled in return and said. "Anything you make will be fine with me." He looked up at Sam and Callen. "Have you had her cooking? She is amazing!"

Clarinda slapped his arm as she blushed. "Like I said before, charming!" He laughed and pulled her in close.

Ruben stepped closer and slapped him as well. "Hands off mijo, she's mine!" The two men grinned at each other, their affection for each other obvious. Deeks bowed and made a show of handing her over to the older man. Clarinda refused to go, placing her hands through each of their arms, linking them together. They laughed and turned to head back to the B&B, Sam and Callen bringing up the rear. The two NCIS agents watched the three of them and then exchanged a look. Deeks had said he would think about it but they were a little worried that he'd found a new home here, with people who cared about him. Neither could begrudge him that, but knew they'd be disappointed if he elected to stay here instead of coming back to L.A. At least they knew he'd be surrounded by people who cared about him.

At the B&B, Deeks went up to his room to shower and change. Ruben took one of the empty rooms to do the same, changing into clean clothes from his duffle. He'd been quick, wanting to get back to Clarinda. He made his way down to the kitchen, finding only the two agents with her, watching her cook. It was obvious the three of them were comfortable with each other. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. They looked up at his entrance and Sam stood up. "Look, Ruben, I know that things haven't always been easy between me and Deeks but I want you to know, I really have come to respect and care for him. He's one of the bravest and most loyal men I've ever known and I'm a retired SEAL. Things would never have been the same if he'd died out there in that storm. I can't thank you enough for taking care of him and getting him back safe and sound."

Ruben considered his words and then nodded. "I almost didn't." He said soberly, his voice soft and hesitant.

Callen stood up as well as he asked. "What do you mean by that?"

"We got caught out there because we, _**I**_ , got careless. We'd had too much to drink the night before and passed out on deck. I know better than that! The storm came up unexpectedly and it was Marty who came to first. We had to cut the anchor loose and it fell to him to do that while I tried to keep the boat steady. He…" Ruben stopped as he flashed back to that moment when he'd realized Marty was no longer on the boat, that he'd been washed overboard. The stark fear that the man who was as close to a son as he'd ever get, might be gone forever.

Clarinda stepped close to him and put her hand on his arm. "What happened Ruben?"

He took a deep breath and looked at Marty's friends before he continued. "We got hit by a huge wave and he was washed overboard. I thought…I thought he was gone."

Sam blinked. "Obviously he wasn't or he wouldn't be upstairs showering."

"Somehow he managed to hang onto the end of the rope still attached to the winch. I barely managed to get him back onboard." Clarinda could feel him shaking under her hand as the reality of what had happened out there crashed in on him and the euphoria of making it home wore off. She felt herself shaking along with him, realizing how close they had come to losing both of them. She loved this man and was not all that surprised to think that she would've been just as devastated to have lost Marty. The young man had already found a place in her heart and she knew she would have mourned him for a long time.

Sam stepped closer and clapped a hand on Ruben's shoulder. "But you did! And you both made it back, safe and sound. I will always be grateful to you for that."

Ruben looked at him carefully, finding no hint of deceit and realized that this man truly did care for Marty. He was glad to know his boy had people like this behind him. Even though he wouldn't be sorry if Marty decided to stay down here, he knew his place was with these people. Now they'd just have to convince him of that.

They all turned as one as the sound of Deeks clattering down the front stairs reached them. When he entered the kitchen, following the delicious scents of whatever Clarinda was cooking, he stopped short when he realized everyone was staring at him. He blinked and asked. "What?"

~,~,~,~


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

El Rosario

Sam woke for the second morning in the pretty B&B bedroom, this time to the sight of sunlight streaming through the open curtains on his window, curtains he had been too drunk to close when he'd gone to bed. He closed his eyes against the brightness, then sat up and moaned, clutching his head. He hoped Michelle never got wind of this. After dinner last night, Ruben had pulled out a large bottle of tequila that had been hidden in his duffle. Deeks had groaned and the older man had laughed, stating. "The hair o' the dog, Marty! Best thing for you and we're safe here. I promise, no more drinking like that on the boat when we're out to sea!" Deeks had just shook his head but accepted the glass when his old boss passed it to him. When everyone had a glass, Ruben raised his and said. "Here's to being home, safe and sound!"

To a heartfelt chorus of "Arriba" they held their glasses high as they touched the rim of them.

"Abajo" glasses held low as they touched the bottom of them.

"Al centro" glasses held out in front as they touched the middle of them.

"Pa' dentro!" As everyone drank from their glasses at the end of the traditional Spanish toast. Ruben had quickly refilled everyone's glasses and the men had then toasted Clarinda's cooking. The night had gone on like that for several hours, stories had been exchanged and the two agents had heard a lot about their friend that they hadn't known. Sam had shared some Callen stories that had had his partner glaring daggers at him and retaliating in kind. When a second bottle had appeared out of nowhere, no one had complained. There was much laughter but neither man had been able to get Deeks alone to find out what his plans were. Sam staggered into the bathroom and took a nice hot shower, feeling a little more human when he got out. He dressed and went to knock on Callen's door. The mumbled response of 'Go away!' told him his friend wasn't feeling much better than he had when he'd first woken up.

Grinning, he entered the room to find Callen completely under the covers, not even his head showing. He went to the head of the bed and yanked the covers back, intending to get the man up and going. They had to corner Deeks and make plans for returning to L.A. He had to laugh, even though it hurt, when he found himself staring at Callen's feet on the pillow instead of his head. Pulling the blanket off completely, he wasn't all that surprised that the man was still fully dressed. The only thing he'd taken off had been his shoes.

"Up and at 'em, G!" He bellowed in the man's ear.

"Ow! Keep it down, will you? My head is killing me!" Callen stared up at Sam blearily. He tried to reach for the blanket to pull it back up over his head but Sam refused to let go.

"Come on G, we need to talk to Deeks to see if we can get him to come home and I have no doubt Hetty is going to want us heading back to L.A. as soon as possible."

Callen groaned but knew that Sam was right. He rolled onto his side and levered himself up, holding onto his head. "Why the hell did I drink so much last night?"

"We all did, you're just getting to old to handle it."

"I am not old!" He glared up at his friend who looked entirely too pleased at his predicament. "How are you not hungover?"

Sam refused to admit that he wasn't feeling too good either. "I'm in better shape. I've told you and told you that all that bad food and no exercise would catch up with you!"

Callen just continued to glare at him as he slowly stood up and moved around the room, gathering some clean clothes to put on after a much needed shower. "I'll meet you downstairs after my shower."

"You have fifteen minutes or I come back up to get you."

"Yeah, yeah." Sam grinned at him and left, shutting the door behind him noisily, hearing a moan behind him.

Downstairs he found Clarinda in the kitchen, cooking something that smelt delicious even to his queasy stomach. Deeks and Ruben were already there, both looking none the worse for wear. Deeks grinned at him from his seat at the kitchen table. "How ya doin' there, Sam Dawg?"

"I'm just fine, thank you very much! How are you doing this morning? All of you?"

"Morning? Sam, it's after twelve!"

"What?" He looked at his watch for the first time. He'd just assumed he'd woken up at his normal 7 AM.

"Yup! I've been up for hours. Went for a run, had a delicious breakfast courtesy of Clarinda and helped Ruben clean up the My Turn. We've just been sitting here waiting for you two sleeping beauties to wake up!"

Sam glared at him and took a seat at the table. "Hetty is going to kill us!" He muttered.

"I've already talked to her and explained the situation. She's fine with you staying here today and heading back tomorrow."

"And what exactly did you tell her the situation was?" His queasy stomach took a turn for the worse, worried about what Deeks might had told their boss.

Deeks grinned at him. "Don't worry, I told her that you two were helping clean up some storm damage."

Sam perked up. "She was okay with that?"

Deeks bit his lip to hold back the laughter. "Yes but she also said she hoped your head and stomach would feel better by tomorrow."

"How…? You know what? I don't want to know." Sam put his head in his hands, finally admitting he wasn't one hundred percent.

Clarinda took pity on him, giving Ruben and Deeks an admonishing glare, and placed some plain scrambled eggs and toast in front of him. "Here Sam, eat this, it will make you feel better."

Sam looked at the food and then up at Clarinda who smiled encouragingly. He sighed and took a bite, not wanting to hurt her feelings but worried that the food would make a return appearance once it hit his stomach. No one was more surprised than him when he finished off the whole plate just as Callen came into the room. Callen watched the last bite disappear into Sam's mouth and turned slightly green. He swallowed hard and sat at the table just in time for Clarinda to put a plate of the same food in front of him. He closed his eyes, willing it to go away.

"Grisha, you need to eat this. The eggs will break down the toxins in your system and the toast will help settle your stomach." Clarinda patted him gently on the shoulder and turned to take the empty plate away from Sam. "More?"

Sam smiled. "No ma'am but thank you! You're right, I feel better already." He looked over at Callen. "Eat up G, it really does work."

Callen sighed, opened his eyes and picked up his fork. He took a bite and forced it down. When it stayed down he took another bite and, like Sam, was surprised when the food disappeared. He looked up to find everyone smiling at him. "What?"

Deeks laughed. "You put away a fair amount of tequila last night. I'm not surprised you were green when you came downstairs!"

"I was _**NOT**_ green."

Sam laughed. "I would beg to differ! You were most decidedly an interesting shade of green for a few minutes there."

"Whatever." He picked up the cup of coffee that Clarinda had just placed by his hand and took a deep drink, his eyes closed at the pleasant feeling of caffeine entering his system. "So, what time do we leave?"

"Deeks worked it out with Hetty that we could stay today and head back tomorrow."

"He did?" Callen turned to Deeks. "Thanks man, I owe you one! I wasn't looking forward to driving seven hours up the coast today." They all laughed at the heartfelt relief in his voice.

Deeks opened his mouth to reply when there was a knock at the kitchen door. Clarinda went to answer it and found Diego on her doorstep. "Diego? Why aren't you in school?"

"Hi Miss. Clarinda. We had a half day today, some teacher's thing. Is Marty here?" He peered around her, trying to find his new friend.

"He is, why don't you come in?" She stood aside and the young boy scampered in.

"Hey Diego! What's up my man?" Deeks asked.

The boy puffed up a little at his words and replied. "The guys want to play some basketball and we were hoping you could come play too."

Deeks looked at Sam and Callen, who nodded. "I'd like that. Do you mind if my friends join us?"

Diego looked doubtfully at the two men sitting at the table. "I suppose it would be okay. Can they play?"

"They sure can! We play all the time up in L.A."

"Well, that's okay then, if you say so. Can you come now?"

"Why don't you head to the court and we'll meet you there shortly?" The boy nodded and waved goodbye as he raced out the door.

"A member of your fan club Deeks?" Sam asked snarkily. Deeks stiffened and turned to tell Sam off when he caught the teasing look on the big man's face.

"What can I say? I'm an international star!" They all laughed and then helped Clarinda clean up against her protests. It was decided that they would all go, leaving Sam and Callen somewhat disgruntled as they'd hoped to use the time alone on the way to wherever the court was to try to convince the man to return to where he belonged. They stifled their impatience and joined the others as they left the B&B. Once they reached the court, they immediately recognized the boys from when they had first arrived in town. They watched as the boys surrounded Deeks, acting like he was a long lost friend they hadn't seen in years. Callen looked at Sam and the two turned to look at Ruben who grinned and shrugged. They broke up into two teams, Deeks once again picking all the smaller boys for his team. Sam ended up on Deeks's and Callen on Patricio's. The afternoon went quickly as the game was hotly contested. In the end, when the game was finally called and his team lost, Deeks made a point of meeting at half court and shaking the hands of the victors, the rest of his team following his lead. The boys then left to head home and the rest of them headed back to the B&B.

About halfway there, Ruben took Clarinda's hand and pulled it through the crook of his arm. "If you boys don't mind, I'd like to take my girl here for a walk." He caught Sam's eye when Deeks was distracted by something Callen said and inclined his head towards his young friend. He knew the two men wanted to get Marty alone and was pleasantly surprised at how they had contained their impatience so far. He decided now would be a good time to give them the opportunity to do so. Sam smiled his thanks at him and Ruben guided Clarinda down towards the beach for some alone time of their own. Okay, so maybe his ruse wasn't all that selfless.

Deeks watched the two of them walk away and knew his respite was over. He turned towards his two ex-teammates and folded his arms across his chest defensively. "Ok, let's have it."

"We're not going to pressure you Deeks. I understand why you left, you know I've done similar things. I can't take you to task for it. We're only here to ask if you'd give Kensi a chance to explain. What you decide after that, we're behind you all the way, even if you don't come back to L.A. permanently. We just don't want you to disappear from our lives all together." Callen put every ounce of sincerity that he could into the words.

Deeks looked at Sam who smiled back hopefully and finally said. "I've been thinking about it. Hell, it's about all I _can_ think about. I'm not sure if I can forgive her for what she said but I do agree that I should hear her out. I'll head back to L.A. when you guys do."

Sam and Callen stood there with their mouths open. They'd talked about what they'd say to him when they got here, marshalled all their arguments, practiced how'd they present them. Yesterday they'd been sure that he wouldn't budge an inch, not based on his reaction to them being here. Now he'd taken the wind out of their sails by agreeing so readily today. Sam started to say something but Deeks held up his hand. "I've said I'm willing to go back and listen to her. I haven't said I'm coming back. I have to tell you that she'd better have a damn good argument to make me change my mind."

Sam pulled him into another bear hug and said. "That's all we want Deeks. Give her a chance."

Deeks was surprised as the big man hugged him for the second time since he and Callen had arrived here. He'd been so sure that no one would bother to track him down and he wondered how he'd misread their feelings for him so badly. He remembered what Ruben had said on the boat about allowing his dad to continue to dictate his life. He'd tried so hard to overcome that and had been pretty sure that he'd succeeded but he realized that, in his pain, he'd reverted to the boy who was told over and over that no one would ever want him, that he wasn't good enough. He still wasn't sure how he'd react to Kensi's apology but, in his heart, he knew it was the right thing to do, regardless of the outcome. At a minimum he'd have closure and could move on with his life, with or without her.

~,~,~,~

Los Angeles

Kensi looked up at the knock on her door and hopefully called out. "Come in!" She was disappointed to find a stranger there instead of the one person she desperately wanted to see.

The tall dark haired man entered and stood by her bed. "Miss. Blye?"

"Yes and you are?"

"Corpsman Leo Winters, ma'am. I work with returning vets here at the hospital."

"I'm not a vet, Corpsman."

"No ma'am, but I've been asked to talk with you about your injuries."

Kensi stiffened and turned her head away from him. "What could you possibly have to talk with me about? You don't know what I'm going through!"

Winters cleared his throat, causing Kensi to look back at him. The young man smiled back at her. "I think I know more about it than you'd expect." He leaned over and pulled up his left pants leg, revealing a prosthetic leg. "I.E.D. in Iraq first week of my first tour of duty. Lost my leg from just above the knee. They told me I'd never walk again. I proved them wrong. Now I work with others dealing with traumatic injuries, trying to let them know there is a life afterwards." He paused. "I have someone else I'd like to introduce you to, if you don't mind?"

Kensi looked from his leg back up to the open smiling face of the man in front of her and felt ashamed. She may not be able to walk but she hadn't actually lost a limb and she still had hope that things would improve. She nodded and he turned away, opening the door. "Come on in Stef." A blonde woman who looked slightly older than her wheeled in. Kensi swallowed hard, watching her maneuver the chair close to her bed.

"Pleased to meet you Ms. Blye, I'm Ensign Stephanie Chalmers." She held her hand out and Kensi shook it.

"Kensi."

"Stef."

"It's nice to meet you too. I think I can guess why you're here?" Kensi said and felt herself tighten up. She didn't want to talk about this with these two strangers, still not sure why they felt the need to invade her room.

"I imagine you can and I also imagine you think your life is over." Stef tilted her head at Kensi who looked away again. Stef gently said. "It's not, you know. I felt the same way when I was injured."

Kensi turned back. "Iraq?"

Stef shook her head and smiled a little. "Camp Pendleton."

"What?"

"Motor vehicle accident at Camp Pendleton. I was pinned beneath a cargo truck for three hours before they could get me out. I lost the use of both of my legs but at least I lived. Paralyzed from the waist down."

"What kind of life is it now that you can't do anything for yourself?" Kensi's fear and frustration made her ask rudely.

"Pretty good one, actually. I met my husband in the hospital cafeteria when I was here for physical therapy. I was so sure he just felt pity for me that I was mean and rude to him. He wouldn't take no for an answer, no matter what I threw at him and I threw some pretty nasty things at him." She smiled fondly in remembrance. "He finally wore me down and we were married a little over three years ago." She pulled a thin wallet out of her shirt pocket and opened it. She held it out to Kensi. "This is our wedding picture."

Kensi took the proffered wallet and stared at the couple in the picture. Stef was in a beautiful white dress, sitting in her wheelchair, smiling up at the handsome blonde man standing beside her. The love he felt for her was obvious on his face as he stared down at his bride. She felt a lump form in her throat, recognizing that look. She'd seen it often enough on Deeks's face when he looked at her. She sniffed and held the wallet back out to Stef who didn't take it. "Turn to the next picture." Kensi flipped the page, this time seeing a pretty blonde baby dressed in a pink dress. "That's our daughter Mandy. She just turned two last month."

Kensi's hand began to shake. "How do you take care of her?" She whispered.

Stef laughed. "She's a handful all right. But she's pretty smart and she knows that mommy can't run around after her like daddy can and Derek is so good with her." She smiled at Kensi. "I thought my life was over. Truth is, it was. At least the life I had before. I have a new life now, one I wouldn't give up for anything. Would I like to go back in time and stop the accident? Of course, who wouldn't? But if it meant I would never have met Derek? Never have had Mandy? Maybe I wouldn't."

Kensi turned the page again, this time seeing a pretty little blonde girl, obviously a more recent picture. The child was grinning at the camera, obviously happy and healthy. She closed the wallet and handed it back to Stef who took it this time. She carefully placed it back in the breast pocket over her heart and patted it gently. Kensi watched the movements of her hand and then looked up, meeting Stef's eyes. "Thank you." She whispered. "Thank you for sharing this with me." She held out her hand and Stef took it, both women's eyes filling with tears.

"Your life isn't over Kensi. It may change, but it's not over, it's just going to be different. Sometimes, different can be good." They smiled at each other through the tears and Kensi felt something like hope flare in her chest. If Deeks came back, maybe they could have a normal life together, a new normal. The three chatted a little longer, both naval personnel sharing their experiences as they'd had to adjust to a new way of living their lives. When they took their leave, Kensi had a lot to think about.

Outside her door, the two stopped and waited for the woman heading their way. "Mr. Winters, Mrs. Chalmers. Good to see you both again. How did it go?" Hetty shook both their hands.

Stef smiled. "It went well Miss. Lange. I think we gave her a lot to think about. Hopefully, it will be enough. I also think I may have just made a new friend."

Hetty smiled widely. "That _is_ good news! Thank you both so much."

This time Leo answered. "It was our pleasure Miss. Lange. This is what both of us are here for. To let the injured know that this isn't the end of things, just a change in direction." Hetty nodded and watched the two disappear down the hallway, on their way to visit another injured service man or woman, sadly there were always more. She shook her in wonderment at how well both these young people had adjusted to their change in circumstance. She turned to the closed door in front of her and offered up a silent prayer that the young woman on the other side, a woman who meant so much to her, would be able to do the same. She knocked gently and entered at the softly spoken invitation.

~,~,~,~

El Rosario

The three men were up at dawn, wanting to get an early start on their trek back home. They figured to get in around mid to late afternoon. Deeks was going to book a hotel room but Callen wouldn't hear of it. He insisted that Deeks stay with him in his spare room and included Monty in the invitation. He'd been somewhat surprised at the offer and even more surprised when Callen assured him that the room did, in fact, have an actual bed in it. Clarinda and Ruben had gotten up to see them off, Ruben sliding into the B&B at the last minute. Clarinda had fed everyone and then given them all hugs goodbye but she held onto Deeks the longest. Before finally letting him go, she whispered in his ear that Kensi was a lucky girl and that she would miss him. When she added that she loved him, he teared up. She'd quickly become important to him and he was beyond happy that she and Ruben had admitted their feelings for each other and taken that all important next step. The small pang of jealousy he felt was immediately squashed with a sense of shame. Ruben clapped him on the back and also gave him a hug goodbye, letting him know that he would always have a place with him.

Deeks got Monty squared away in Kip's truck as Sam and Callen waited in the Challenger. He looked up at the B&B that had become his haven and was sorry to leave it even though he was eager, albeit nervous, about going back to L.A. He waved goodbye one last time and slipped behind the wheel. He had his Higgins passport ready to present when he hit the border. He was already overdue to return to the U.S. but Eric had worked his magic and Higgins now showed as having passed into Mexico the prior day instead of almost a week ago. He started the truck and pulled out behind Sam after he pulled away from the curb. He would follow them to a point but would need to stop more often to let Monty out so they had just agreed to meet up at Callen's.

The ride back felt even longer and lonelier than the one down had as his thoughts roamed all over the place. He replayed the things Kensi had said to him through the lens of knowing that she'd been lying to him. He pictured her face and wasn't sure if he just couldn't remember it clearly or if there really had been no signs of deception in her expression or voice. He tried to picture their reunion as he played out one scenario after another in his mind, practicing all the insightful things he would say to her, things he knew he would never remember the moment he saw her again. He missed her like he knew he would miss a limb, she was so much a part of him. That didn't mean he was just going to give her a pass on what she'd done. She'd hurt him worse than he could ever remember being hurt by anyone in his life and that included his dad. At least with his dad, nothing he'd said or done was ever surprising. He'd known where he stood with the man right up until he shot him. With Kensi, it had come out of left field and torn him apart. When he finally reached Callen's, he was exhausted, both mentally and physically.

Sam's car was already parked in front of the house so he pulled the truck in behind it, getting out and stretching to try to work out the kinks from the long drive. He turned to let Monty out of the back seat and the dog promptly lifted his leg against the right rear tire of the Challenger. Deeks huffed out a laugh and looked up at the house quickly, relieved to find that no one inside was watching them. He decided not to let Sam in on that little tidbit of information. He pulled his bag out of the back and the two walked up the stairs. He knocked and Sam opened the door for him. "About time you got here. You drive like a little old lady."

"I do not! Just because you drive like the demons of hell are chasing you, doesn't mean I have to! I still don't know how you avoid getting a ticket every time you get behind the wheel of a car."

"My driving is just fine, thank you very much!"

Deeks snorted. The two men grinned at each other and Sam reached out to pull him through the door. "Callen's making up the spare room for you."

"How very domestic of him."

"Deeks."

"I know, I know! I am really am very grateful he's letting me stay here tonight. I wasn't really looking forward to camping out in some dingy hotel room."

Callen came out of the spare room just in time to overhear Deeks. "You can stay here as long you need to Deeks. We'll all help you find a new place."

Deeks tilted his head and said quietly. "You're getting a little ahead of things there Callen."

"We'll see." He turned and headed towards the kitchen. "Anyone else hungry? Breakfast was ages ago and Mario Andretti over there didn't want to make any stops for food. I think he was trying to break a land speed record." Deeks laughed and gave Sam an 'I told you so' look. Sam just shrugged but looked somewhat disgruntled. They followed Callen into the kitchen to find him rummaging around in the cabinets. "Hmmm. Doesn't look like I have much here for the three of us to eat. How about we order a pizza? Beer I have."

Deeks stomach growled as he said. "I'm in!"

"G, you know how bad pizza is for you! You'd be better off with a nice salad."

The two other men turned and stared at Sam for a heartbeat before Callen looked back at Deeks. "So, extra cheese, pepperoni, sausage and mushroom?" Deeks nodded enthusiastically. "And a salad for Mr. My Body Is A Temple over there." Sam just shook his head at the two of them.

When the pizza finally arrived, all three dug in. Deeks reached for the last slice just as Sam did. "Hey, I thought pizza was bad for you?"

"It is, doesn't mean it isn't tasty though!" Sam replied as he won the battle and took a big bite from the last slice, rubbing in his victory. The three laughed and then the conversation moved on to other things. They talked for a few hours, catching up on what had been going on in L.A., what Deeks had done in Mexico. Then the talk took a turn to weightier things when Sam looked at his watch and asked. "Deeks, when are you going to go to the hospital to see her? Visiting hours are over at 8."

Both men waited anxiously to hear his reply. He looked back at them, knowing they wanted things to go back to the way they used to be but he knew things could never be quite the same and he wasn't quite ready to see her just yet. "I think I'll wait until the morning. I'm tired and now that I have a full stomach, I think I'm going to crash for the night." He stood and started to clean up the litter from their impromptu pizza party. Callen reached out to stop him but he shook his head. "The least I can do in exchange for you letting me crash here is help clean up. Not like there's all that much." He moved into the kitchen to dispose of the trash and the two men left behind looked at each other.

"G, what do you think is going to happen? I get the feeling he's still not in a very forgiving mood."

"Yeah, I agree with you there. I don't know what's going to happen but at least he's here and is gonna give it a try. Even if he can't forgive her, even if he doesn't want to come back to NCIS, I'm not willing to let him just walk out of my life."

"Me either. Eight years ago, if you'd told me he would be such an important part of my life, of my family's lives, I would have fallen over laughing. Now, I can't imagine it without him in it."

Unbeknownst to them, Deeks was standing just out of sight, hearing every word. He was stunned into silence as he took in the meaning of what had just been said and knew that staying in L.A. was now a foregone conclusion. What he would do for work, was something else. He wondered if Hetty could put a good word in with some of the other agencies if he decided to stay in law enforcement just not with NCIS. He knew going back to LAPD was not going to happen, that part of his life was over. He moved quietly back into the kitchen then turned to exit again, this time making sure to make more noise. He wished them both a goodnight, went into the spare room with Monty following faithfully and quietly closed the door behind him.

~,~,~,~

Deeks stood outside the hospital room door, remembering the last time he'd gone through it, when he'd had a ring in his pocket and hope in his heart, leaving such a short time later, his heart in tatters, numb and not thinking clearly. It felt like a lifetime ago but was really just about a week. He raised his hand to knock and then dropped it, not sure if he could go through with this. He turned in relief at the interruption when a soft voice said. "Marty?"

He turned and found the nurse who had been so kind to him and so caring of Kensi, standing by his side. He'd been so deep in thought, he'd never heard her approach. He searched his mind for her name and said. "Melissa. It's good to see you again." He paused and then couldn't stop himself from asking quietly. "How is she?"

Melissa smiled at him. "She's doing well. She'll be happy to see you." Deeks nodded in response and looked back at the closed door. It represented so much to him, his old life on one side; his new one on the other, whatever it might hold.

"I hope so." He said. She smiled encouragingly at him and went on about her business, leaving him once again staring at the door. "Come on Deeks, you're not this much of a coward. You can do this." He whispered to himself. Taking a deep breath, he raised his hand once again and this time followed through on the knock. When he heard her tell him to come in, he squared his shoulders and turned the knob.

Kensi stared at the door as it opened and saw that he was finally there. She'd wanted to see him so bad and now she didn't know what to say. They stared at each other for a moment and then Deeks seemed to shake himself and moved into the room but stopped short of coming right up to the bed. "So." He paused, searching for something to say. "How are you?" He winced at how inane that sounded.

"I'm…I'm doing okay." She stuttered back. This was not the way she thought this would go. It was like two strangers having an awkward conversation.

"Deeks…"

"Kensi…" They both spoke at the same time. Deeks motioned for her to go but she still didn't know where to start.

Finally the dam burst and she blurted out. "I am so sorry! I didn't mean any of it! I love you so much and I still don't know how I could have hurt you so badly!"

"Why, Kensi? Why would you do that to me if you didn't really mean it?"

"I was scared. Scared of what life is going to be like now. I lashed out at you, wanting to drive you away, not wanting you to see me like this."

"I'm not sure that's much of an excuse Kensi."

"Please Deeks, please let me explain."

He tilted his head at her but she was silent. "I'm waiting." He finally said.

"I…I thought you'd be better off without me." She said softly.

"How could you think that? You were my life! I would've been honored to spend the rest of it with you, walking, crawling, whatever I could get!"

She swallowed hard as she registered his use of the past tense. "I was afraid I couldn't give you the things you deserve, things like a family. I was so sure that I wouldn't be able to have a child, or if I could, how I could be a good mother when I was stuck in a wheelchair? I…I…I worried that I wouldn't even be able to feel anything when we made love! How could I sentence you to a life with someone who couldn't even respond to you in our most intimate moments? I just didn't want to be a burden to you, whether you tried to convince yourself that you were happy with it or not."

"So you decided to make all my decisions for me? To take away my choices?" His voice rose as the anger and pain he'd been feeling made themselves known.

She hung her head. "I don't know if you can ever forgive me for that, but if I had it to do over, I would have never said those things. I would've said yes to your proposal. The ring was so beautiful and is exactly what I would have picked out for myself. I should have yelled yes, should have grabbed the happiness you held out to me, grabbed it with both hands. Instead, I was determined that I would do this by myself, that I didn't need anyone."

"Everyone needs someone Kensi. I needed you and you ripped my world apart. You weren't the only one impacted by the accident. I was, your mom was, Sam, Callen, Nell, Eric, all of us."

"I know that now. I've learned a lot since you've been gone. Things about myself that I'm not happy with. Things that I need to work on." Taking a chance, she held out her hand to him. "Can you help me with that?"

He looked at her outstretched hand but didn't move to take it. It slowly fell back to the bed as she struggled with her tears. "I don't know Kensi. I don't know that I can ever trust you again. You took the things that I told you about my childhood, things that I've never told anyone else, things I trusted you with and you used them against me. I don't know if I can get past that." He paused as he thought about it. "I don't think I can do this." He whispered as he turned away, the door beckoning to him as he moved towards it.

Kensi watched him walking away from her and couldn't let it go at that. She threw the covers off and pushed her useless legs over the edge with her hands. She pushed herself off the bed, tried to stand, tried to follow him but her legs betrayed her and she fell heavily to the floor. Deeks heard the thud and turned quickly to find her on the floor, her face lined with pain. He rushed to her side, everything else forgotten. "What the hell were you thinking baby? You can't take that kind of chance! You might have damaged yourself worse!"

"I don't care! I just couldn't let you walk out that door! Don't you understand? I'd rather be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life as long as you're here with me, than walk out that damn door alone!"

He looked at her lying there, feeling the truth in her words and felt something give. Things wouldn't be the same, but maybe he could give her a chance to make amends. He was afraid to lift her back into the bed, worried that he might hurt her more. He ran to the door and yelled for help. A nurse down the hall heard him and started to run towards the room. He turned and went to her side, pushing the hair back from her face. She leaned into his hand, tears running unheeded down her face. "Please Marty, don't leave me! Don't let my stubbornness and fear ruin what we had, what we can have again! I love you more than anything and I am willing to spend the rest of my life making it up to you! Please, can't you find it in your heart to try to forgive me and give me that chance?"

Hearing the nurse enter the room behind him, he searched his heart and realized, yes, he could give her another chance, he could let her try to make it up to him. He wasn't sure if they could get past this, but he owed it to her, to himself, to give it a shot. If it didn't work out, then he'd know he'd given it his all. He'd have no regrets.

~,~,~,~

A/N - Well, that's it! I know it's nowhere near how it actually went down, but hey! I tried! Thanks to honus47 for being my sounding board, my beta, my friend. She helps me so much!


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